"I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard"
Stuck In A Moment-U2
Well, that was till I became an autism blogger Bono. That's okay. You didn't know that. You were too busy being a rock star and saving the world and all. Can we switch jobs for a week? We really have so much in common. We're both Irish. We both like wearing sunglasses. We both work with someone who's name starts with a definite article. (The Edge. The Kiddo.) My paycheck is slightly less but whatever. It's like we're twins!
If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm trying to figure out who I am. Also, who I have become. With a sprinkling of what am I going to do next.
You see, I was prepared to be my husband's wife. I was as ready as any first time mom could be for The Kiddo. I was not at all ready to be "Mama Fry". I'm not even sure who first coined that term. Unlike Bono, I didn't pick that name. It just showed up and like any good nickname, it stuck.
I certainly wasn't ready for the questions that came after I started writing. I get a little uncomfortable with that. I'm no expert. Not even in The Kiddo. Hell, he surprises me all the flipping time. He ate calamari over the weekend. I don't even eat that! I guess I"m up next for feeding therapy. That's cool. I love my son's therapist. We'll go out for beers for my session. I'm sure she'll be cool with it. If you all saw the screeching banshee mess that I am most days in my house, I'm not so sure you'd be following me.
"And you are such a fool
To worry like you do, oh no
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now, my, oh my"
I get so super excited to share things with you. You just GET IT. I don't have to explain it. You know the work and the worry to went into each event and activity. I don't want it to come off as bragging or showing off. I just want to share it with someone who gets why I'm so freaking happy something finally wasn't hard. I feel guilty though. Like when someone comments how they wish their kid did that. I get that. I get their wish for that something to be a bit easier in their kid's life. Just trust me when I say there are plenty of times someone leaves a comment of what their kid can finally do and I find myself green with envy. Like if he would actually swallow a pill, I would be the happiest girl on the planet.
Plus I worry about what I am sharing. Some areas and topics, I'm never going to talk about. In some areas, I need privacy. I"m not doing it to leave you out. I'm not hiding. I'm not faking "Keeping it real", some things I just need for me.
It's just a moment. This time will pass.
You promise Bono? Cause I've been doing this blogging thing for a while now and I'm wondering what's next with it. You know what's getting old? Covering up my name but at the same time I worry for my Kiddo's privacy and safety. I keep thinking "When someone cuts me a check, then I'll put my name on it." Of course that comes with someone then claiming "She's selling out!". To which I say "Bitch, do you pay my bills? No? That's what I thought. STFU."
So what' s next? I've done podcasting, YouTubing, guest posting elsewhere. blogging and by golly, I even made a t shirt. So now what? I do know I have make it happen on my own. Despite my stalk tweeting Oprah, I doubt she's going to hand me a TV deal. (But don't let that stop you if you were O.)
Time for more writing. Right after I make the next side of fries.
Honey, you do you. That's my motto. Does honey sound condescending? I don't mean for it to be. I mean for it to just say you gotta do what works for you, and so you'll get checks if you find the right brands to connect with, and they work for you and you work with them and so forth. We all are in this for our own reasons and sometimes, yeah, we need to pay the damned bills.
ReplyDeleteSo you and Bono are a lot alike. He's gotta get paid, too. ;)
But seriously, love this post. Truly.
Loved this, and whatever you do, I know it will be hilarious. Can't wait to see the next chapter!
ReplyDeleteA book! I would pre-pay for my copy. I love that you are REAL. Most days you are the only one that can get me to chuckle..Thank you for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me smile. I love your writer's voice. I wish I knew you in person so we could share fries and wine (my beverage of choice) together. Sigh. You get it. Makes me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am a new reader and want to thank you. I can't imagine how hard it is to write about the daily struggle of autism. Bring into the mix that what you are writing about involves the people who mean the most to you in this world. You are a very brave and inspiring woman. What you do makes a difference to people, people who are living with autism, love someone living with autism or even some like me who suspects their kiddo is on the spectrum but don't know yet for sure. We want to find out whatever we can from the ones on the "front lines", the ones fighting the battles daily and living to tell about it. This means so much more to us than any psych-central, webmd, etc. So, whatever it is you decide to do next please remember that you are making a difference in others lives and, in my opinion, that is better than any paycheck. All of that being said, Oprah would be lucky to have you!!
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