Thursday, July 2, 2015

We aren't perfect but we aren't push overs.

We were out of our hotel room for a large part of the day on Monday.  So imagine my surprise right before dinner to find an anonymous note from another hotel guest complaining we were "walking too loudly" in our room over theirs.  It wasn't just a simple polite request. It was vile. The nastiness in this note is both burned in my brain and yet a confused jumble of insults that I can barely recall. 

The husband took it and crumbled it up with a "Screw 'em.  We made noise in the afternoon?  Big deal. It wasn't in the middle of the night and..."  I grabbed the note back. I could not just let this go. Especially when the room above our own was noisy with it's own pattern of little feet.  However, the afternoon? Who cares? 

I had 3 choices.

1) Write an equally nasty note and be a coward like them and stick it under the door then run but I'm 41 not 12.

2) Go right to the room and pound down the door and then their asses. (I may binge watch OITNB but I know I would not do well in prison.)

3) Be mature, go to the hotel management and use this as a chance to educate and advocate. Plus, if these folks were going to be an ongoing issue, I wanted the staff to be aware of it.  

I went with choice 3 and straight to the front desk. I handed over the note. I asked if it was from them (I really didn't think it would be but you never know. Again, covering all my bases.) and I was quickly assured it was not. Then I started talking. I said "My son has autism. He is no angel or perfect. He's also 11. Yes, I am sure someone has heard him now and then being "too loud". Please know my husband and I do our best. We are on him CONSTANTLY. This is our fourth trip here. We keep coming back because this place has been so accepting of him.  They may of had to endure 10 minutes of noise. I endure it 24/7. We deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.  If they would like to talk to me, have them call me. I would love to talk to them. I would love to tell them about the autism that lives with us and also goes on vacation.  

Oh, also remind these folks it's  1) A hotel. Not your house. You're gonna hear noise. 2) A FAMILY resort with about 100 kids running around. Go to a convent if you want silence at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. 

And by then three other desk staff had crowded around listening to me. Passing that note back and forth and just in stunned shock. Then came a slew of apologies from them. I appreciated it but honestly, there was nothing they needed to apologize for. I just wanted to be proactive in case there was more complaints. I told them again to please call me if there's a complaint but remember. I am trying my best. If you saw the Kiddo that first came to this resort five years ago and who he is now, you wouldn't know it's the same kiddo.  I slapped the note down on the desk and walked away.

We had dinner. I ordered a large glass of wine and tried to shake it off.  Up till this moment, we had been having a really good vacation.  It's one thing to be called out for all the ways your kid behaves. It's another thing to be harassed for it.  Seriously, I have never read anything so obnoxious and think about it. I'm a blogger. You know the comments I get sometimes?  Dudes, if I'm offended you know it's bad. 

We did our usually routine of lots of swimming to get that much needed sensory input.  The Kiddo was snuggled in his bed with a movie.  Husband and I were chilling out and there was a knock on the door. A hotel staff member hand delivery an apology note and a box of chocolates. We were very surprised but at the same time grateful.  It was clear the resort was not happy with the other guest's way of handling things but also understood the challenges we face.  

Sadly, the person that made the complaint, not a word from them. In a way I wish there was some way to talk to them.  Maybe you are also wondering why I didn't post of picture of their note. That really wasn't a hard choice to make.  Should I add another "Look how mean people can be to us" anonymous note to be shared around social media?  What would that really do at the end of the day other than make many people who already have a lot on their plate feel even worse.  Plus, I was in no mood for the thousand of perfect comments from perfect parents who have perfect children who are perfectly behaved 100% of the time.  Or even better, the ones that don't even have kids! (Looking at you Kate!  Make sure you leave me a comment about my feral child and how it's all my fault.  Like you usually do.  You know, that one standard insult that you copy and paste on EVERY autism blog you troll. Hey, maybe you were in that room.  We could have had drinks and you could have the chance to tell me to my face what a terrible person I am.  That would have been fantastic! Damn. Miss opportunities.) 

You see, I get angry a lot. I have learned that unless you do something about your situation, nothing gets better.  A way to see some change is to make some.  I'm not saying my Kiddo is perfect in every situation.  Neither is the way I parent.  We can have a conversation about it though.  I want to have a conversation about it.  Two sides just being bitchy and pissed off at each other not speaking, please.  We are all better than that.   Deciding to go the hotel staff and being upfront gave me the chance to see all this awareness work we all do IS working.  

To that person, we could have shared a side of fries.  Or I could have thrown them at you.  One or the other. ;-)  But seriously, if you ever witness behavior you don't understand, ASK.  Talk to us.  Listen.  I want to have the conversation.  

And dude, I'm sorry if my Kiddo's flapping feet ruined your vacation for roughly ten minutes in the middle of the day but your anonymous note was a douche move.  Thanks for giving my family that memory.  It's going to last a lifetime.  


OK, bring on the hate comments! :-) 

35 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that someone's mean attitude and horrible note had to darken your vacation.

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  2. I will never understand people so full of hate and misery as to behave like the note-writer. I'm so sorry you had to go through that!

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  3. We must be a lot alike especially when we're mad lmao shove a fry up their nose just because!!!!

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  4. I love this. Your response to the situation is priceless; I hope I can react as thoughtfully if I ever experience this!

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  5. Girrrrl, let me hold your earrings. I gotcher back.
    Haters gon hate.

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  6. I would have made a beeline for that room door and stayed there knocking all damn day until someone opened it and let me look at their ugly mug with sheer disgust, and then proceed to completely bitch them out the the fullest of my ability. Then, and only then would I have gone down to the front desk. :-)

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  7. I would've started jumping up and down on the floor, the bed, running up and down the halls.....they want to hear noise. I'll give them noise

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  8. You handled it with grace and intelligence--unlike the note writer. But, if you ever need bail money.......

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  9. Good way to lead by example mama. You did the right thing.

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  10. I'm sorry some people are crap, and probably nothing I say will bring genuine comfort but please know that most people aren't like this. It's not your job or within your ability to change the world and it's also impossible to think you won't run into these ignoramuses from time to time. Focus on your beautiful family and friends and the strangers who have admiration and empathy for you. ❤️

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  11. You are the coolest. I would want to have responded the same way. I love this.

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  12. "Be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting their own battle." This quote really changed my life. I know how you feel though. My son has special needs and sometimes he has melt downs in public and it's so embarrasing. A lot of people think you're simply a bad parent, but no one really has control over the situation. I think you handled yours quite well.

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  13. I think you should print this out & request the front desk to give it to them upon checkout! #fried

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  14. The hotel should not tolerate guests being abusive to other guests. If they have a complaint, take it to the hotel and let them handle it. An abusive note is unacceptable behavior. Kick 'em out.

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  15. People are always going to complain if you are good looking, Check, Your family is happy, Check, and especially if the love in our family is tangible. So sorry you had to experience that on your vacation.

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  16. I love that you were able to use this situation as an opportunity to advocate and educate online without publishing the note. The world already gives the nasty people too much recognition and too loud a voice.

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  17. I think you handled it perfectly.

    Our issues with noise tend to come later at night, so I respect other's feelings about those lot more. But seriously, at a kid-friendly resort... you gotta expect noise, quirks or no. You have to tolerate other people's kids.

    I think having Facebook and Twitter and the like around today just encourages way too many people to use their anonymity for evil purposes, even offline. *sigh*

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  18. Im an ABA Therapist, I get to work with amazing children like your own. It is a true shame that more people don't get to see the fascinating way ASD children process the world around them! People can be so hateful, but what an amazing job throwing knowledge their way instead of more hate!

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  19. Awesome work, mamma! Hope it didn't ruin the rest of your vacation and you enjoyed the well-deserved break!

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  20. No hate for Mama Fry, ever! I'm glad you were bigger than they were, but I'm sad that you got so upset about the note (though honestly, I would have too). Probably they were trying to get a difficult little one to nap in the afternoon and were feeling tired, frustrated, and obviously completely off their rockers to leave a nasty note.

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  21. No hate for Mama Fry, ever! I'm glad you were bigger than they were, but I'm sad that you got so upset about the note (though honestly, I would have too). Probably they were trying to get a difficult little one to nap in the afternoon and were feeling tired, frustrated, and obviously completely off their rockers to leave a nasty note.

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  22. I think you handed it well, very well, I once had a guest at hotel pool complain that my child splashed him as he was reading by the pool side. Not in a chair back from the edge, but at the rim of the pool. I just said its a pool she needs to let off some steam . Wanted to add it isn't a library, but you could read in the lobby or your room idiot.

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  23. wow...some people are idiots...i thought they were complaining about noise at 4am...but seriously...during the day? and to be gutless like that and leave a note that was obviously worded very rudely? pft...what doosh bags

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  24. No hate. Just love <3 and I get it.

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  25. I love that you handled as you did. You know, he takes his cues from you, too. And he's better. They could have been day sleepers or been taking a nap. It could have been very old people. Their lose for not talking to you directly. Maybe they came up to talk to you, and you guys were out so they left the nasty note. Hard to say. People can be so cruel.

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  26. I loved the way you handled this! Some people are just plain ridiculous, I hope the wine helped you move on. Sorry this happened on a vacation!

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  27. oh hells to the no they didn't!! I would not have dealt with that well - I tend to be very confrontational where my children are concerned. I would like to know who's kids are not loud and obnoxious on a good day because mine are hyper/overstimulated all the time... gets worse when they are excited.

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  28. Thank you for sharing this, we have four kids on the spectrum and we've dealt with stuff but nothing this bad. I think the one that stands out in my mind was the old man that asked my wife in a doctor's office if she wanted to borrow his cane to beat my daughter...I think my wife was thinking about beating but maybe not our kid...know what I mean...I think you handled it better than we would have...I'm pretty sure after that note we would have tried to walk down that hall as much as possible as loud as possible, singing Journey songs or Barney songs or whatever...yeah hotels are not supossed to be convents and dont' get me started about airplanes...yo heads up did you read anything when you booked that flight that mentioned it would be as quiet as a library and no one would speak once you entered the plane..?? Thanks once again for being honest and allowing us other autism parents to nod our heads and laugh and be reminded that we are not alone...-tim

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  29. Thank you for sharing this, we have four kids on the spectrum and we've dealt with stuff but nothing this bad. I think the one that stands out in my mind was the old man that asked my wife in a doctor's office if she wanted to borrow his cane to beat my daughter...I think my wife was thinking about beating but maybe not our kid...know what I mean...I think you handled it better than we would have...I'm pretty sure after that note we would have tried to walk down that hall as much as possible as loud as possible, singing Journey songs or Barney songs or whatever...yeah hotels are not supossed to be convents and dont' get me started about airplanes...yo heads up did you read anything when you booked that flight that mentioned it would be as quiet as a library and no one would speak once you entered the plane..?? Thanks once again for being honest and allowing us other autism parents to nod our heads and laugh and be reminded that we are not alone...-tim

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  30. Fuck em n feed em fries! Go mama bear!

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  31. They were just cowardly losers to put. Note under the door. You handled it brilliantly and the place where you were staying sounds great. Don't let the saddos get to you. Let's just hope their next holiday location is next to a noisy all-blokes boozy stag weekend. Justice has a way of coming around like that...

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  32. I am sorry you were treated this way! I well know that feeling with notes and all. I not only get them with my own sometimes, but also with my classroom from other teachers and staff members. I try to educate family, co-works, administration and friends. It doesn't always work, but I feel I need to.

    Karen

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  33. Wow some people just like to complain without ever asking if there is anything they can assist with...Way to go Mama Fry ..you showed that you are an amazing mom and an advocate for all the children on the spectrum ...
    I recently was at the post office and a boy ard 9 was flapping his arms making loud sounds and the postal clerk was glaring at the mom whom was trying to pack up a few boxes ...while I was watching I quietly went over to the mom and asked of there was any specific app he liked that I mite have on my phone that would keep him calm while she boxed her mail...?? she just looked at me w tears in her eyes and said no one has ever offered help ..after handing my phone to the kiddo I watched his eyes lite up and he said thank you I really like music ...( the app was the song do you like broccoli yes I do ) and I said in a louder tone than normal I am where you are my son is autistic and sometimes us moms have to stick together..at that point the postal worker said oh i'm sorry I thought he was just a bad kid and you didn't know how to parent him ..and a few cstomers than asked if they could help.....

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