Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.
I spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze
And I just want you back by my side."
Jimmy Buffet
Stuff is not good at French Fry Inc. School has been dicey and today we reached a brand new level of suckatude when the Kiddo's anxiety spiked so bad this morning that I had to make the call not to send him to school. I have never seen him so upset. He was able to verbalize that he felt sad but what I also saw in his eyes was pure fear. I'm all about powering through stuff but there's a limit to what I will make my Kiddo and myself power through.
I won't lie. I am very frightened to what is going on at school. I know this is a major transition and these things take time for an autistic kid to adjust. I have spent more time on the phone either emailing, texting, or calling folks about this. My smartphone literally groans every time I go to pick it up.
We're making some medication changes but even those take time to kick in. Same thing with getting an FBA done. Even once the recommendations are made, that the steps will take some time before we start seeing their effects on the Kiddo and his behavior.
Kiddo is now very calm. No, relieved is a better word that he is home. He has asked to go to school on Monday and seems ready to go that day. I really hope so. I keep asking for folks to give my Kiddo a chance but that's hard to do if he's not there. So I am really hoping that come Monday he will be willing to go.
I feel like we are starting over with autism. I feel like we are back at square one when the word "autism" was first brought up. And I hate it. I have cried so many tears and lost so much sleep in the past few weeks that the bags under my eyes are now bigger than my boobs and that's saying something. Cause I got a rack.
I feel like I lost him and I am desperate to get him back. Just hang on Kiddo. I just want you there by my side come Monday.
Hey Kiddo, if you're gonna get into watching blenders on YouTube, could you look up a good recipe for a Margarita for me? Take me to Margaritaville?
Mama Fry hang in there I have been praying for you and little fry. My little one is also on the spectrum and although I haven't gotten "that call" yet I fear the day I do. So as we always do give it a good cry and pull up the pants and have a better day. Hugs to both of you
ReplyDeleteQuirky Mojo to all the Fries! And I hope you figure out why, or who as the case usually is... Maybe half days until he's adjusted? I feel for you, Sister - as much as I like to think I learned stuff caring for my ladies at the AFC, some things are baffling. But I'm sure you've watched enough Law & Order to find out why AND hide the body. Please share when you do... not about the body part, though...
ReplyDeleteHang in there!!!
ReplyDeleteWe had a very bad day on Wednesday... It was a 24 hour, non-stop, "I can't stand myself, my skin, and I need crash input"... We think it was all of the changes from going to school (and we virtual school!!)... Change doesn't always work well.. Thursday at 3am, our little boy crashed and crashed hard. He spent most of the day in bed and only got up to eat and do some verbal school and took 2 naps and was back in bed by 5pm...
This parenting stuff isn't easy though and adding this Spectrum doesn't make it any better.. So, from one ASD parent to another, hang in there!! Hopefully Monday is much better!
So much of what you write resonates with me, but this one resonates hard. We're at the end of keeping our 2nd grade daughter home a whole week because the district is fighting us on eligibility and services for her IEP. The finally relented on eligibility, but not services. She went the first three weeks completely unsupported and it was a disaster, so we made the difficult decision to keep her out until we can start *some* services, even if they're not the ones we think she needs. None of that helps you with your battle, but it's reassuring to at least feel like there's some company, which your posts consistently do. Thanks for that, and I hope you can feel some support form a distance, even from people you don't know.
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ReplyDeleteI do it too. Sometimes. Don't force my little fry to go to school or a damn birthday party. It's hard. Looking into those eyes and seeing fear and anxiety. Sometimes, you just need to keep your baby with you to let him know you are his protector and let's be honest, it helps us too. This post was real and raw. I appreciate you.
ReplyDeleteI understand this well. The same thing started happening to my son. My heart couldn't take it and I started homeschooling him. I know not everyone can do that and it's been hard and sometimes I wish I hadn't done it. But most days I'm so glad I did. His anxiety is much less and I know he's safe. And man it's made scheduling medical appointments for him so much easier. Even though I've been in this autism game for 10 years I still feel a little lost sometimes. Hang in there honey.
ReplyDeleteI have been where you are when we made a school move. Next year, it's high school for my son and even though we just started 8th grade I feel like I need to start preparing for that -- preparing not only my son, but also a whole new school and team of educators. It never seems to get easier.
ReplyDeleteIn my district, as a functional skills teacher, I have been allowed on rare occasions to get a sub for me or my para so one of us can go to school with a kiddo who is transitioning to a new building for a couple of days. Having that anchor helps them a lot, while everything else is new and scary. Is it something your district would consider, since he had bonded with the elementary staff? (Heck, even swap custodian for a day, since he loved your boy!)
ReplyDeleteHang in there momma fry! you know your kid, you did the right thing. my boy randomly breaks out in tears and sobbing sometimes and we have no idea why, it breaks your heart. (until he follows it up with a good slap or pinch, lol.) it's hard. monday will be better! I pray it is! (((hugs))) to you and the Kiddo!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. If I could I'd come and mix a fine margarita for you and raise a toast to better days ahead.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. If I could I'd come and mix a fine margarita for you and raise a toast to better days ahead.
ReplyDeleteHand in there Mama Fry! My little guy is in a new school for first grade and was crying and being non- compliant. Sucky sleep this week with all the worrying! I know you know, but you will get things adjusted for him and it will calm down - it just takes work and time which sucks. I like the idea someone mentioned about seeing if a teacher he is familiar with could come to the middle school for a few days. They also mentioned the janitor which is an awesome idea! Sending positive thoughts and love your way. Team Quirky is here with you!
ReplyDeleteSending good thoughts for you and kiddo. I can only imagine how hard it is for him and how frustrating it is for you. \hug/
ReplyDeleteWe went through a time with our kiddo last fall when he just checked out. It was the culmination of a series of emotional stresses that we hadn't realized had hit him so hard. We all want what's best and we want the kids to be happy. Sometimes, that takes time and patience, and pain. Blessings on all your heads. Hoping for a good Monday.
ReplyDeleteAs always, thank you for sharing your experiences. This is a stressful time of year for all the school kids, but especially those who are ASD. We just started Kindergarten, and riding a bus, and cafeteria lunches... I have been a bundle of nerves. Thankfully, our teacher has a notebook in which she leaves a brief summary of the boy's behavior, his challenges and his successes. I write back thanking her daily because it eases MY anxiety.
ReplyDeleteWe've had it real rough too with our kiddo's new school & new teachers. Not a good sign when you have two IEP/BIP meetings in two weeks. We are going to half days and less transitions. Also my boy said he was bored so they are going to amp up his curriculum to make it more challenging. Crossing fingers and toes it works b/c all this stress is beyond ridiculous. I'll need two boxes of hair color next time to cover all the gray. Lol.
ReplyDeleteSending so many good thoughts for your family. My heart hurts and quakes a little in fear because we've been somewhere close to this and it just sucked. I was scared. I took it one day, one minute at a time. You get the whooooole weekend to work on that margarita recipe.
ReplyDeleteHad to go pluck my 9th grader from school Monday because the school social worker couldn't manage her full blown panic attack...same social work next day stood by with her thumb up her a$$ whilst my 10 th grade son pulled out his cell phone to call me in the middle of his meltdown.... Autism makes September the most unpredictable month in my life... And of course has now gained the school social worker the nickname "the useless one" in my angry emails fired off to their team asking for emergency ppt's to review their iep's and supports
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