Date:"That's terrible! He shouldn't be there! He should be sent someplace else."
Me:"Dude, guess where I work? Someplace."
Date:"But... oh."
We didn't date much longer after that.
"Someplace" has always been in the back of my head since we have started the long and strange trip with our Kiddo and autism. I kind of always felt that as long as he was in our town's school district, things weren't so bad. Having worked in a private school for special needs students, many of which had autism, I really was happy he wasn't in one.
But then shit happens. ;-)
Our school district is unable to provide a free and appropriate education in the least restrictive environment for him. Now I am shopping for "Someplace" for my own son. How the feck is this even happening? And I get to do with him in tow because I will be damned if I am getting a phone call EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. like we had been about him while we are trying to tour schools. Last week I had enough. Kiddo had enough. I was tired of seeing my son be a completely different person. One filled with so much anxiety and fear. Even at home some of the things he's been saying and scripting about his school day was making me think "WTF?" on a daily basis. Like some really shitty statements that were said to him or classmates and yes I believe him because HELLO! Autism. Scripting word for word is his superpower. He's been bit by another student. He's taken to eloping out of the classroom, a behavior he has NEVER done. Banging furniture. Throwing things. Grabbing staff and students. These are the behaviors of pure fear, not malice. So I yanked him. I guess we'll be setting up some home bound instruction till we figure it out.
I told the director of Special Services "We're done. Get his stuff. Get his meds from the nurse and my son.", which she did. Then the case worker packed his stuff and brought it to the main office. Not a single staff from his room came down to say goodbye to him. That said it all to me. I took his hand and we left.
I have explained to the Kiddo that we are on an extended vacation. He still doesn't fully understand that he isn't going back there. Until I have a place to say that he is going to, I won't say a word. It will just confuse him more and to not have an answer will make his anxiety even worse. I'm sad he will be leaving kids he's known since he was three. I hate we won't have his bus driver anymore who was an absolute joy. It is what it is though. His heart will be broken but what other choice do we have other than to deal with it.
I feel bad too because I know I'm not the only unhappy family with that school and class right now. I worry for those kids. I can only take care of our situation though.
So wish us luck as we tour some "Someplaces" for him. I hope the process isn't long and I dread the trauma and confusion that's about to happen when we tell Kiddo about the new "Someplace" he's going to go. I am very concerned about how this will play out. I know not all private schools are like the one I used to work at but I can't help but be very worried all the same.
Somethings can't be solved by just ordering another side of fries but if any of these schools just so happen to have fries on their lunch menu, it wouldn't suck. ;-)
I feel every bit of this. We pulled our son and started home school while we looked for "someplace". 5 years later I have done it all, and now he wants to go to high school with others, so we are going to be on the hunt for some place, again. I wish your family and ours, both the best luck and easiest transitions possible.
ReplyDeleteI feel every bit of this. We pulled our son and started home school while we looked for "someplace". 5 years later I have done it all, and now he wants to go to high school with others, so we are going to be on the hunt for some place, again. I wish your family and ours, both the best luck and easiest transitions possible.
ReplyDeleteRaises hand! We left PS after the bullying of my son became routine. Tried a private school and are now homeschooling. So far, it has been the best thing for him. Good luck with the search!
ReplyDeleteMay I ask, since YOU pulled him does that mean the district doesn't have to pay for the private school? I wish I could offer you a milkshake to dip your frys into!!! Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThey'll be paying.
DeleteFirst day in the unknown here too. I'm thinking about you every step of the way too. Sending positive thoughts your way. It's happening everywhere and this is not okay.
DeleteI wish you the best in getting them to pay Mama Fry. I know several families who did the same thing, pulled their kids, and they had to pay for the private education themselves. :( Does your state have open enrollment for school? Maybe you can send him to a school near by that can better suit his needs.
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DeleteWe went through this same situation two years ago but we settled out of court. I wish we had not. It was a horrible process and my daughter has so much shame. Her counselor said it's holding her back from getting better. The old school wanted to get rid of her to make another squeaky wheel (neurotypical parent who was the PTO president) be quieted. They set her up to fail and documented her reactions, knowing that she would have meltdowns. I wish that I had had someone to learn from before we made missteps that led us to a place of limbo for so long. I hope that someday we'll find 'someplace' that doesn't condemn her based on the doctored records that they will inevitably see. Thank you for fighting for what is best for your son and for telling your story so that others won't feel so alone.
DeleteMama Fry,
ReplyDeleteOur son has been at "someplace" for 3 years now. We are dealing with it, it finally feels like we are on the same team. Awful transition though. Good luck in your search and hang in there. It will get better.
Even when they can't tell you exactly what's wrong the behavior shows you. You are doing the right thing mama fry! I've been there and it's scary but I had to do what was best for my daughter and she is SO much happier. Transitions are hard for moms too but stay the course. Wishing you the best situation for your son where he is loved and appreciated for who he is!
ReplyDeleteWe had the same and found a place that is a million times better. Good luck
ReplyDeleteSingle greatest thing I've ever done for my 12 year old son with severe autism is taking him out of PS and securing a private placement specific to his needs. He's there 4 years and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. Hang tough momma ... you both have this!
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ReplyDeleteso sorry! I have been there and done that too. all i can say is that it DOES get better, but it really stinks while you are going thru it. My prayers and encouragement to you. and, if i may, i want to say a huge THANK YOU for sharing your stories, as is really does help to know we are not alone on this journey.
ReplyDeleteI cry for you, Mama Fry.
ReplyDeleteI was there not that long ago, not sure I am really past it either. When I found your Blog and saw that others were thriving and happy in their PS, I had hope. Now I have lost that hope. I too am from Jersey, for the taxes we pay, and having the highest Autism rate in the country; NJ needs a serious make over of their Special Education. It wasn't that long ago I had to hire a Lawyer and get Advocate groups to come help me because the School didn't want to do anything but fight me for 5 YEARS. Now we are in a "program" its not really what she needs but its better then before.
I feel you. I didn't pull my son. Rather, I was told "we can't help him. Here are two schools to look at. Pick one and let us know." But let me say, his new school is wonderful. I know it's hard, but you'll know when you have the right place. You'll feel it. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteNot sure where you are located but The Rebecca School is an amazing place for kids like your kiddo
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rebeccaschool.org/
I read you from Italy..I have been reading your posts for two years, at least. I just want to wish you all the best in your quest for a good school for your son.
ReplyDeleteCoraggio! Paola
This must be a worldwide concern we done that as well because of some of the behaviours your kiddo was displaying so was ours. He eventually went to our local special needs school who take them from 4 to 19 at first I was so worried but for him it was like a huge relief he could be himself without a teacher pushing him onto a seat or expecting him to make his own cave to stay in yes those things happened he was a different boy and loved his new school so all the best looking Mama x
ReplyDeletePraying that you find someplace else l. I actually quit my job and moved an hour north to get my son in someplace else 3 years ago. Best decision I ever made and his support team at school amazing! Good luck mama fry!
ReplyDeleteAww man. This gave me the chills. I really hope you are able to find somewhere for him soon. Somewhere that he'll be cherished and happy and where he will thrive.
ReplyDeleteWhen they cannot give an appropriate education to our kids, it sucks. When they don't even try, it makes me mad. I'm sorry he was having such a terrible experience, especially after such a good experience at his other school. That tells me it's the school with the issue, not him! Best of luck in your search.
ReplyDeleteSo sad you are having to do this, but I'm right there with you. Today is our boys last day of PS and they are so happy. But it's sad because our oldest thinks it's because he couldn't"get along" in school when actually it's the schools failure to follow the IEP. I wish you luck!! We are doing a virtual school, which scares me because I'm going to be home leading them in that, but we will also get more ABA support in our home to help. I will just be happy that my boys are safe, no longer being bullied by staff and kids, and we can fixate on whatever the current obsession of the month is for class. Fingers crossed...fries ordered!
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