Monday, February 11, 2013

Things I know about my kid.

There is no crystal ball.   There is no horoscope forecast.  No divination tool that's going to tell me what the future holds for my kiddo.  I know, no parent has that.  There does seem to be a smidgen extra worry on my shoulders and other parents of special needs kids.  Some things are sure.  They grow up.   What will happen?  How will he be?  Will he be successful?  Will he get on?  I simply do not know the exact details but I do know a few things. 

That this generation of children being raised is better than the one before.  Likewise, the one after this generation will be even better.  And so on and so on.  Society, experience, culture, research, morays and awareness have improved and will continue to do so.  I will keep raising HELL when need be.  The voices that come after mine will do the same.  We might not have to scream for the same things but we know a constant truth.  Squeaky wheel gets the grease.  That's why I always have hope for my kiddo.  I see what's changed in just five years.  So I know that things do get better.   Or I'm just going to get more creative about how we tackle them.   He won't grow up like me because he simply did not grow up with me.  (Although he's got some mad respect for some 80's tunes.  He does like to pop his collar on his shirts and thinks neon is awesome.)

 My kiddo speaks a completely different language than me.  I would be like the stereotypical rude American in Paris, expecting him to understand.  Shouting loudly in my tongue is tempting and yes, I still often forget and do it anyway.  (I'm a loud Irish redheaded Mom. That's how I roll)  Then I remember and try again.  He needs translation and so do I. We meet in the middle with simple phrases, PEC pictures and the occasional kiddo created sign language or pronunciation.  I wasn't the only one that had to get used to this, so did he.  I guess you could say our talks have gotten better and I hope they continue to do so.  The teen years are coming.  I suspect someone will have to model an eye roll for him and a huge sigh.  I have faith he'll get these. :-)

When my kiddo gets into something, it is ALL IN.  All consuming and that means we as a family will be consumed with it. All our vacations will have at least one trip to a train museum.  I can now identify a Pullman car when I see one.  I can see the pros and cons of owning a model train set in an "O" or "G" scale.  (No, really, there is more than one kind!  I bet ya didn't know that)  I may never understand the appeal or fixation but I see he's happy and interested.  So I go with it.  I remember a time not much motivated him.  I happily go to these places even though in my head I am thinking about other things. 

Then as quickly as something comes into our lives, he will discard it.  When he drops something I am baffled. I may understand the black and white thinking but I am still confused by this behavior.   There is usually no warning.  I find myself wondering like a dump teenage girlfriend "was it me? did I do something?"  Nope, I have accept it's him.  He's just no longer into it.  I've been burned by a few of these fad obsessions in the wallet.   So I have learned to not get to excited and just dump my money into them.   Only took a few hundred bucks for me to get that one.  I think that's any parent though.  We special needs parents don't have the lock on spending to much. 

Will he work?  Well, I sure hope so.   I used to job coach teens with autism, so yeah, working is huge to me.  Right now, I"m not kidding myself that college is going to happen.  He can barely write his name so unless he starts learning some crazy good typing skills, I do wonder and worry how school work is going to be for him as he gets older.   Maybe trade school is in his future.  I'll be happy with what makes him happy.   He's 8 but 8 years went by in a blink.  So yes, this is a real concern for me.  However, he does like to be hands on.   Yes, he will work.  Where hasn't been decided but he will.  

Those side of fries don't pay for themselves you know. 


  1. I too am an Irish redheaded mom!!! I always ask "where is the manual for this kid??" And yes, mine will work too,come hell or high water, thats just the way I roll!!

  2. Irish redheaded mom here too! Well ok auburn but I digress.....My kiddo is 3 and this is all very new to me and our family. I feel the same way. I am fighting everyone....schools, teachers, other family members to make sure that she has the tools to advance and grow into adulthood and be a productive member of society. My kiddo is super smart and eager to least right now, ha, ha,ha! Don't worry she will be busting out her diva-ness before I know it.

    I love your blog! It lets me know that I am not alone and that things just might work out ok.

  3. I can relate to the train obsession, because my dad is a huge train buff. He, too, knows the difference between N gauge, O gauge, etc., and goes sparkly-eyed whenever he sees a train whether real or model. :)

  4. No one understands the pressure of trying to map out a life and goals to the degree we have to. It's a frightening aspect of parenting (and grandparenting) that we have to out faith in strangers on a team that may or may not attempt to comply with the IEP, with the unknown hours at school and other kids and how they are treated, with who will be there to care for them if they need it when we are gone? Every parent worries but with us we obsess. That being said, ground is being covered with research and I hope in my life time the mystery of how this happens will be finally solved.

  5. I just had my tarot cards read this past weekend. There may not be a crystal ball, but I got that reader's card in case you're interested.

  6. yep, Liam will work too.....I hope he can take some college classes or even attend college. He is too smart to waste it, but if he can't, he can't....I will push him, but I will not SHOVE him into things he can't do....I pray he will be able too....what I know is he will be a good man. He will love others, and see the good in them. He will be funny. He will be a pleasure and a light in everyone's life he is a part of...these things I know, bc he is already all of these things (well not a man yet, but a little man) I do really hope for the job thing though bc his obsessions are getting more expensive the older he gets ;)