Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Can't you just...

"Can't you just move the appointment?  He can skip a session right?" 

"Can't you just put the songs he likes on his iPad? Instead of playing the same CD the skips?"

"Can't you just have him watch that DVD downstairs?  What do you mean it has to be on the portable player?"

"Can't you just get a babysitter and come out with us?  There are tons of teens looking to make some extra cash."

"Can't you just make up little cards to hand out that have autism information printed on them?"

"Can't you just..." is a question I hear far to often and I'm at the point where if I hear it again my eyes are at risk for getting stuck from rolling them one to many times.  Which would really suck.  I wouldn't get to see what shade of spray tan the Real Housewives are this week.  Autism, just isn't that simple.  I wish I could just do it that way you are suggesting but we have learned our limits dear friend.  

Once again, he's sleeping and I am not.  It's the middle of the night and my brain is just running.  I can hear some of you now saying "Can't you just sleep when he sleeps?"  Nope, sometimes I can't. I'm much to busy having a insomnia induced panic attack about school ending in 8 (Gulp!) days.  I'm worrying about a vacation we are leaving for in two weeks.  I am mentally making my check list of all the things I need to buy for it.  The list of what needs to be packed.  Is the car charger for the DVD player still in my husband's SUV?  It's 2:19 AM.  I could just go look right?  Totally normal time to run out to the car.  Jeez what DVDs should I bring this time?  Which one is the one that skips in the portable?  This place has Wifi right?  

Ugh!! "Can't you just enjoy your vacation?"  Nope, apparently, I can't.  Not unless I worry about every possible thing that could go wrong and what can we do to fix things.  As if just going about our business couldn't be stressful enough some days with strange looks and comments from the general public, let's throw in a completely new environment around us.   I guess the bonus is, if it gets really bad, well, we will never see those people again.  Oh that reminds me, his meds!  Add that to list. I do notice I've never heard folks suggest "Can't you just skip his dose?"  No routine and no medication?  Even Jesus wouldn't take the wheel on that.  At least that's a "Can't you just..." I haven't heard.

Will I have time to make little cards to pass out in case of a meltdown?  Then I start to think why SHOULD I have to make little cards to pass out?  Even if I did, I can tell you, making sure I stop and pass them out would be the LAST freaking thing on my mind.  So yeah, I'll be skipping that errand to STAPLES.  More bug spray and sunblock, less office  supplies.  Yeah, I know.  I'm missing a prime opportunity to educate and advocate and blah, blah, blah.  Sometimes though, I just want to do what I got to do and if that means paying our restaurant bill quickly while my husband half drags him out, so be it.  I can't be a walking information kiosk all the time.  I don't want to be and nor should I be.  You think I got a clue what I'm doing?  I'm sitting here not sleeping at 2:40AM and wondering if I should check my husband's car if he has extra wipes?  WIPES!  Put that on the list.  Seriously, don't think I got it going on.  I'm so flying by the seat of my pants here.

"You need to give yourself a break.  Can't you go get a sitter and go out with your husband?"  Hahahahaha!  Yeah the neighborhood 14 year old, so not equipped for the kiddo.  You neurotypicals think you have a hard time find a babysitter?  Not even close.  Sorry.  Unless they had a sibling with autism maybe.  Even then, I bet they'd like a night off from autism.  I don't think they'd be knocking down my door for a job.   What do I know?  It's almost 3AM and I'm not sleeping.   Oh and even when we have gone out because a family member pitches in, guess what we talk about?  :-)

OK, I really need to try and sleep.  Daylight will be here soon.  Even the dogs have left me to go snore.

 "Can't you just drink another cup of coffee?"  You mean on top of the three I have most mornings?  Sigh....  MELATONIN!!  Pack melatonin.  This list will never end. 


  1. I was nodding the entire time I read this entry!! OMG, yes, yes, yes, yes!!! Along with all the potential "cures" out there that my sister is always trying to push, you could have been describing me! Good luck with vacation. Our last one, monkey boy tried to climb over the third story balcony on to the one below. That would have been fun. Let's knock on the door. "Excuse me, can we get our son off your balcony?" Sigh. That said, I'm jealous. I do hope you have a great time!

  2. Had to comment! I have been on this same treadmill for 12 years now and completly understand where you are!
    Take a breath, everything looks worse in the middle of the night and when you're sleep deprived...well if you're like me, you're always sleep deprived but things will come together just like you need it to be!! Keep your lists running...screw the cards, you don't owe anyone any kind of explaination at all and like you said, you will never see these people again!! Life's too short to live up to other peoples expectations of us!! Think about the fun you all will have getting away and don't worry about the other stuff till it happens! If you forget something, and I'm sure you will, I do...there's always a drug store on every corner, right beside the liquior store!! PS..pack the portable wine opener!!

  3. Oh my Goodness!! I can totally relate!!Vacations stress me out!!

  4. I have had cards made.. but have yet to hand one out lolbeing there for you kid is much more important than advocating.. screw the judgy mcjudgingtons .... have an awesome vaca

  5. My husband would actually relate to you more than I. I worry like crazy, but fortunately, my really bad insomnia died when baby-related sleep deprivation kicked in. I might lie in bed an hour or two lost in lists, plans, pipe dreams & worries - but that's NOTHING compared to my teens & 20's. Now, I can usually get a good 5 hours of sleep most nights - it's my husband who is probably bleeding internally from an ulcer. I save my big time worrying for my commute - sure, I sometimes drive the wrong way to places & have to back track, but it keeps me awake then.

  6. This is why I have the anxiety shits and ragey hollering issues. AND OF COURSE I HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WORRY ABOUT IT BECAUSE I HAVE INSOMNIA. I swear I'm going to turn into Michael Jackson and have to go to sleep via I.V.

  7. I love your blog, Mama Fry. It makes me feel so "normal" to know that this is someone else's "normal" too!!! Enjoy your vacation (as best you can!!).

  8. This is my mind every Thursday night prepping myself on Friday for the kids's visits every weekend. Did I get enough of this? Do I have the right juice? Is the bread fresh? It never ends so yeah the "Can't you just....?" needs to stop because no, we can't.

  9. i know this feeling all too well :) BTW, I have little autism cards, more than happy to send ya the graphic. all you need to do is print them :)