Monday, December 1, 2014

No, it's not okay.

"He's fine Mama.  It's totally okay that he's ripped up all the bedding off my kid's bed and buried himself under the covers." 

No it's not. He just made a huge mess in your kid's room.  Okay, that room was a bit messy to begin with but he did add to the chaos.

"Don't worry about that glass he dropped. It's okay. No big deal."

Yes it is.  He took something of yours and destroyed it.  Doesn't matter if it was high end crystal or one of Wal Mart's finest.  It is no longer.

"Oh don't worry about my kid.  Doesn't matter he ripped the toy out of their hands.  He can have it. It's okay. He's the guest."

No!  This is NOT okay.  Yes, he has autism but dammit to Hell, he does not get a free pass!

"It's okay. He doesn't know any better."

Well how will ever if we don't show him that this behavior is NOT okay.  I will always be scanning the scene for potential triggers.   I will also be the first one to jump on him when one gets past me before I could intercept.

He may have autism but he's also a ten year old boy.  An only child to boot.  You think my kiddo doesn't have the potential to be a bit of a jerk?  Oh let me assure you. He has met that milestone many a time.  

I will make him apologize.  I will make him clean up his mess.  I will make him give back the toy and take turns.  Do me a favor.  Let me.  Don't give him a "Get out of jail free" card.  That's not really going to teach him a thing.

I know you love him.  I'm grateful you do.  I owe you big time that you do put up with some of the accommodations he does need. 

Please, please do not let this kiddo just get away with something you wouldn't let any other kid his age.

Now like any kid who isn't your kid, by all means, look to me if you need some guidance.  I wouldn't know what to do with your kids either.  I do know some basics.  You can say "No" to my kid.  Yes, he does understand it.  Along with, "excuse me", "wait your turn" and "stop it".  Feel free to say any of these as needed.

You may think we live a very structured and scheduled life but for us it's okay.  We're not looking for a free ride.  To us, that's not okay.

You know what's okay?  Fries.  Fries are always okay.  :-)


  1. This is exactly how I feel,some are afraid to speak up im very vigilant,im raising a little boy with autism not ignorance,we have many issues fresh will not be one of them...

  2. I wish you could say NO to my kid! I have mastered the art of saying everything that means no, that isn't actually the word no. Later, not right now, maybe tomorrow, in a few minutes, soon, after... What I really want to say is NO!!!! Santa is not coming tomorrow. No, you can't have an entire bag of Cheese Puffs for breakfast, No, Cookie Monster cannot take a bath in the toilet! NO, No, No, NO!!!!! Sometimes I do actually say the word no to my child, when the telemarketer calls and then I hold the phone out so they can hear the screaming! IT is amazing how fast they hang up. :)

  3. This is great. I may give my kid a pass on things that require a 6 year old's language, but hurting others, grabbing and wrecking are in his understanding so I'm grateful for for pass, but we won't be taking it.

  4. Do we have the same kid? ;) Brava, my friend!

  5. Agreed! Here's my take:


  6. Amen. Our children have Autism, they do know right from wrong. One of my daughter's teachers said, " they are special. But, not that special." In other words, accountable. Consequences are a part of life.

  7. I keep reminding my partner about what kind of adult with autism we will be leaving for the world.

  8. Agreed. My brother-in-law has Aspergers and sometimes uses his condition as an excuse for his bad behavior (or laziness). He knows better and none of us let it slide.

  9. Love this. As a sped teacher and a mother of a child with Autism, I think always giving in to kids makes them obnoxious kids that no one wants to be around. Giving in and giving up may be easier, but in the end, it will be harder to deal with a kid who will potentially be bigger and stronger than you.

  10. this is so my sister in law and me. I tell her it is not okay that my autistic child took whatever toy from his cousin or what not. I say no to my child and I keep telling him and others that it is not okay to do these things. it is a struggle but I keep telling myself that he will learn this but then again he might not.

  11. This is me and my hubby. He will give our little man anything he wants if he cries. But then if he CANT have something he comes to me to handle the meltdown. My son does know the word NO! But, with my husband giving him stuff makes it hard when he meets someone new. He tries what he does with hubby. Not the skills I have taught him. It's hard!