As I tackle a mountain of laundry this morning and wait for yet another doctor's office to call me back, I got some random thoughts bouncing around my head. So pardon this word explosion. You might relate or not, which if that's the case, try not to take this as personal but rather educational. A teachable moment as they say.
Proving your autism street cred. Don't tell me as soon as you meet me that your aunt's boyfriend's sister once worked in a summer camp for special needs kids. I don't care. I know you're just trying to relate to me. I know it comes from a good place but please stop. Trying to prove how down you are to an O.G. ("original gansta" in case you didn't know) like me, isn't working. It's just drawing the line in the sand, driving us further apart. Let's pretend there is a game called "Six Degrees of Autism Separation". If your connection is that far removed that they may in fact been in a movie with Kevin Bacon, you're an "autism tourist" in my eyes. It's all cool that you can dig the culture but I know you're not a local okay? Feel free to ask me for directions but in no way am I the only map around here.
Let's all just agree that after a certain number of years you get what I call "autism tenure". This is not to say I know it all BUT being told that vaccines may cause autism isn't really news nor does it really help. My kid is 9. What would you like me to do with this information? Go back in time and stop it? (Which I wouldn't even if I could) Or the fact that I had a c section. Or older fathers have more autistic kids? Gee honey, let me go back in time and NOT fall in love with you. Discussing what may of caused my son's autism isn't exactly what I consider small talk. It's a serious debate worthy topic. Most parents I know don't even want to go into it with doctors and professionals because at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't change the now of our situation. I'd rather focus on that. Folks with "autism tenure" are in grave danger of rolling their eyes so hard they get stuck. So please, you see parents of a teenager with autism, don't ask them if they breast fed their kid. It doesn't help.
You know what I want to hear because I know there is someone reading this right getting upset or indignant that I dare even complain what is said to me when it's well meaning? Nothing. That's right nothing. You know what you can do. LISTEN. Listen to what I say and ask questions from that. Ask thought provoking ones too. Not just "Why is your kiddo randomly knocking on walls as he paces up and down the hallway? Is he looking for ghosts?" (This was said to me recently. Good times!) I have no clue why he does and even when I do answer something like that, the answer never seems to satisfies the person. There's no winning with someone who questions what my kiddo is doing because it's clear to me they just want me to stop him from doing what he is doing. (which I'm guessing is sensory/coping skill related) This is not to say if he was kicking holes in the wall, yeah, I'm gonna stop that. Dude, I'm not dense. But knocking on a the wall or pacing around at a very crowded gathering of people he doesn't see all that often, is it really hurting you? Or anyone else? Cut him some slack. He's only nine. It's not like he can down a glass of wine or step outside for a smoke break when he needs a breather like you or I might. I know what the alternative can be, a meltdown. Trust me, his knocking on the wall is nothing. Don't question my "autism tenure" here. I've done my years here with him. You haven't.
I said it recently on my Facebook page in response to a question about extended family gatherings, "They want a Norman Rockwell painting for their family gathering. We don't live a Norman Rockwell life" It's just what it is. It's especially maddening for me because I don't even have any neurotypical kiddos and I can draw from that experience. Like this is the only life I know. Good lord, if one got dropped off on my doorstep hitting milestones and reading at grade level, well, I wouldn't even know where to begin with that. My house is like living in the movie "Groundhog Day". We do it the same way, every day or there is HELL TO PAY!
Now pardon me as I go fold these incredibly long jeans. Damn, as the kiddo gets bigger, the laundry just gets more insane. I thought that would ease up but it didn't. Groundhog Day moment once again! ;-)
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Cookie Cutter Accommodations
The kiddo loves going to the movies. Honest to god, it could be a screening of Patton and as long as I bought the big popcorn, he'd be all in for going. Because I know some of you are thinking it, no, we haven't been to any of the Sensory Friendly screenings that the AMC theater chain offers. It's nothing against it. We just started going to flicks before it was even offered in our area. The kiddo does pretty well at the movies so to us it wasn't something we needed.
I write this autism blog and like it or not, some folks seem to want to know my opinion of such things cause I've got some sort of autism tenure. So I thought, well, why the Hell not? I don't want my autism street cred questioned. Also, the sensory friendly showing time worked out well with our action packed schedule of going to see Granny after and then to the pancake house for the early bird dinner. (Hey I had a coupon!) Plus, I'm getting blog fodder from it. This wins all around. I was really on a fact finding mission when you think about it. I can totally write this off on my taxes right? Business expense? No? Well I did observe a thing or two and I started to think who are these sensory accommodations for really? Not just the kids really.
The house lights stay on. That's cool. Made looking in my giant Mom bag for my Chapstick easier. Plus if you had to get up for a bathroom or snack run, you could actually find your seat and not be those hoovering folks that seem to have lost all sense of direction when they return to a theater. That was a Pro. However, it does bug the eyes after a while depending where you sit. We were right under a light fixture. Maybe next time depending on the movie, I'll bring a magazine.
No previews or ten thousand commercials to sit through before the show. It was just BOOM! MOVIE! I liked that. I liked that a lot. Have you noticed they show movie previews for flicks that won't even be out till next summer??? You know how annoying it is to have to tell my kiddo every time that it will MONTHS before that bad ass Lego Movie will be out. So thank god they yanked those. Big Pro there.
The sound is lower. Like a lot lower. To the point where I thought at first "Damn, I really need to get my hearing checked. The kiddo blasting his iPad while watching TV has taken it's toll." Then I remembered that this was one of the Pros of this arrangement. However this coupled with a lot of autism kids making well autism noise made it hard to hear the actual film at times. Now honestly, this didn't really bother me but my rule loving son got ticked off! Started "shhing" people left and right. Oh the irony of a kiddo being intolerant of those with autism when he in fact is autistic himself. I grabbed the chance of this being a "teachable moment" and told him to ignore them. I could tell this confused the crap out of him. Up to this moment movie theater equated silence and here I was rocking his world and changing "the rules". You know how an autistic kiddo like him loves him some rules baby! I found myself having to correct him correcting others. At first I worried my talking would annoy others around me but I had a kid next to us that had gotten up and walked around the whole theater no less than ten times during the show. I remembered I was with my tribe. I'm understanding of their ways. They get ours. So I stopped panicking.
All in all, we were certainly the less rowdy of the bunch but all of us there seem to enjoy being in a room full of families just like our own. No dirty looks. No Sanctimommies and their exasperated signs while seeing my kid eat his body weight in popcorn soaked in some sort of yellow "butter" type liquid while feeding their lovey precious babies organic micro biotic kale chips. That was certainly a nice accommodation for me. If I had to correct my kid (and I did) nobody really seemed to care. They were probably just happy it wasn't them at that moment. (we all seemed to take turns)
I'll be honest though. I'm not sure if we'll go again to a sensory screening. The kiddo, after the movie, was scripting many of the "movie rules" to me on the car ride home. It was quite clear to me that based on his prior experience, the talking, the lights, the lower volume, the getting up and quirking around, all of the sensory accommodations offered, bugged the ever living crap out of him. I guess having so much experience the other way was almost chaotic for him. For us, we probably won't go out of our way to do it again. I think if I had started this is as his first movie going experience, it would be different. I am not going to lie. Sitting there with a room full of my autism homeboys and girls was awesome. We were all just trying to enjoy an activity we all thought as new parents that one day we would do, taking our kids to the movies. Not thinking about therapy, IEPs, insurance and doctor appointments. So yeah, these accommodations kind of rock for us neurotypical parents. However not all autism is the same and these really weren't working for my kiddo. Kind of reminded me that cookie cutter accommodations don't always mean success. Some tweaking will be needed. Maybe a good social stories. Autism parents love them some social stories.
You see, I got to thinking about it last night. I can't be blogging for acceptance and tolerance and embracing all the quirks if I got my boy thinking he shouldn't have to do so. While we won't go all the time to a sensory friendly screening, we will go now and then. I want to teach him about accepting others and how their autism might present itself. The kiddo of mine has an ego and I'm betting a large popcorn I can probably explain to him that he's setting a great example with his good movie going behavior. So many neurotypical kids are wonderfully accepting of him and I want him to be the same of others, no matter what their neurology. It will be tricky but I think we can do it.
Next Smurf or Alvin and the Chipmunk nonsense I got to sit through, I'm definitely bringing a book!
I write this autism blog and like it or not, some folks seem to want to know my opinion of such things cause I've got some sort of autism tenure. So I thought, well, why the Hell not? I don't want my autism street cred questioned. Also, the sensory friendly showing time worked out well with our action packed schedule of going to see Granny after and then to the pancake house for the early bird dinner. (Hey I had a coupon!) Plus, I'm getting blog fodder from it. This wins all around. I was really on a fact finding mission when you think about it. I can totally write this off on my taxes right? Business expense? No? Well I did observe a thing or two and I started to think who are these sensory accommodations for really? Not just the kids really.
The house lights stay on. That's cool. Made looking in my giant Mom bag for my Chapstick easier. Plus if you had to get up for a bathroom or snack run, you could actually find your seat and not be those hoovering folks that seem to have lost all sense of direction when they return to a theater. That was a Pro. However, it does bug the eyes after a while depending where you sit. We were right under a light fixture. Maybe next time depending on the movie, I'll bring a magazine.
No previews or ten thousand commercials to sit through before the show. It was just BOOM! MOVIE! I liked that. I liked that a lot. Have you noticed they show movie previews for flicks that won't even be out till next summer??? You know how annoying it is to have to tell my kiddo every time that it will MONTHS before that bad ass Lego Movie will be out. So thank god they yanked those. Big Pro there.
The sound is lower. Like a lot lower. To the point where I thought at first "Damn, I really need to get my hearing checked. The kiddo blasting his iPad while watching TV has taken it's toll." Then I remembered that this was one of the Pros of this arrangement. However this coupled with a lot of autism kids making well autism noise made it hard to hear the actual film at times. Now honestly, this didn't really bother me but my rule loving son got ticked off! Started "shhing" people left and right. Oh the irony of a kiddo being intolerant of those with autism when he in fact is autistic himself. I grabbed the chance of this being a "teachable moment" and told him to ignore them. I could tell this confused the crap out of him. Up to this moment movie theater equated silence and here I was rocking his world and changing "the rules". You know how an autistic kiddo like him loves him some rules baby! I found myself having to correct him correcting others. At first I worried my talking would annoy others around me but I had a kid next to us that had gotten up and walked around the whole theater no less than ten times during the show. I remembered I was with my tribe. I'm understanding of their ways. They get ours. So I stopped panicking.
All in all, we were certainly the less rowdy of the bunch but all of us there seem to enjoy being in a room full of families just like our own. No dirty looks. No Sanctimommies and their exasperated signs while seeing my kid eat his body weight in popcorn soaked in some sort of yellow "butter" type liquid while feeding their lovey precious babies organic micro biotic kale chips. That was certainly a nice accommodation for me. If I had to correct my kid (and I did) nobody really seemed to care. They were probably just happy it wasn't them at that moment. (we all seemed to take turns)
I'll be honest though. I'm not sure if we'll go again to a sensory screening. The kiddo, after the movie, was scripting many of the "movie rules" to me on the car ride home. It was quite clear to me that based on his prior experience, the talking, the lights, the lower volume, the getting up and quirking around, all of the sensory accommodations offered, bugged the ever living crap out of him. I guess having so much experience the other way was almost chaotic for him. For us, we probably won't go out of our way to do it again. I think if I had started this is as his first movie going experience, it would be different. I am not going to lie. Sitting there with a room full of my autism homeboys and girls was awesome. We were all just trying to enjoy an activity we all thought as new parents that one day we would do, taking our kids to the movies. Not thinking about therapy, IEPs, insurance and doctor appointments. So yeah, these accommodations kind of rock for us neurotypical parents. However not all autism is the same and these really weren't working for my kiddo. Kind of reminded me that cookie cutter accommodations don't always mean success. Some tweaking will be needed. Maybe a good social stories. Autism parents love them some social stories.
You see, I got to thinking about it last night. I can't be blogging for acceptance and tolerance and embracing all the quirks if I got my boy thinking he shouldn't have to do so. While we won't go all the time to a sensory friendly screening, we will go now and then. I want to teach him about accepting others and how their autism might present itself. The kiddo of mine has an ego and I'm betting a large popcorn I can probably explain to him that he's setting a great example with his good movie going behavior. So many neurotypical kids are wonderfully accepting of him and I want him to be the same of others, no matter what their neurology. It will be tricky but I think we can do it.
Next Smurf or Alvin and the Chipmunk nonsense I got to sit through, I'm definitely bringing a book!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Top Holiday Gift Ideas for Kids with Autism
In honor of my 100th blog post, I thought I'd channel my inner Oprah Winfrey and make a "Mama Fry's Favorite Things" list. I had a great day dream going in my head that I would loudly announce, "You get a fidget! And you get a fidget!! Everyone in the audience gets fidgets!!!" and all these sullen looking interns dressed up like elves come out and just hand you all this stuff. Everybody would be jumping up and down and the kids would be flapping and it would be awesome.
Then I remembered I'm not Oprah and more importantly, I do not have Oprah money. Sorry fries. The only thing I could give away is various expired coupons I forget to use and old ATM receipts from my wallet. Quite a few folks follow this blog. While they don't have kids with autism, they know someone that does. They want to get them a nice holiday gift and they are kind of scratching their heads on what to give. Hell, some parents reading this are probably thinking this same. So here's a list of the top winners at French Fry Inc and the places you can get them. Kiddo tested and approved! (Disclaimer, these opinions are my own. I was provided samples or had previously bought the items of each to review)
1) CHEWIGEM "Dog Tags" style necklace $19.95 For those who need to chew for sensory input and self calming. I love these things. The site itself has lots of options, styles and colors. Even bracelets too. Stylish to look just like an accessory but made from non-toxic silicone. The necklace even has a breakaway clasp for safety. Easy to clean by hand or toss it in the top rack of the dishwasher. A perfect stocking stuffer. Get them here at http://www.chewigemusa.com/collections/dog-tags
2) ROCKIN' ROCKER BOARD from Fun and Function $69.95 This is the sturdiest rocker balance board I have ever seen! I ought to know, the kiddo has broken quite of few by throwing them. This thing is solidly made. Doesn't take up a lot of room. Easy to wipe down to clean. Use it standing, sitting or kneeling. This board is great for working on balance and motor planning. When I first took it out of the box he immediately started playing with it. Winner Winner!! Get them here at http://funandfunction.com/rockin-rockertm-board.html
3) SPACE EXPLORER Body Sock from Fun and Function starting at $32.99 Need a great sensory toy that's great for travel? This is the toy! Super for motor planning and perfect for those kids who are MAJOR sensory seekers. If your kiddo is like mine, this is really great for the input they are craving. Folds up easy for a suitcase and is machine washable because let's face it, life is messy. Comes in a variety of sizes and colors. Now animals prints too!! Get it here at http://funandfunction.com/space-explorers.html
4) EXERCISE BALL by Natural Fitness at Target $24.99 Got a kiddo just seems to be bouncing off the walls? Give them a place to bounce! Trampolines are great but many are made only for little kids. This ball was a weight capacity of up to 300 pounds. Trust me, my kiddo has given this ball a solid test over the past two years. Still going very strong. Inflates in minutes. Good for when they need to just get out of some cabin fever energy or just chilling on it watching TV. Great for balance and working on flexibility. They do come in many sizes and I got mine in Target itself one day. Order them online at http://www.target.com/p/natural-fitness-300-lb-burst-resistant-exercise-ball-55cm-plum/-/A-10988471#prodSlot=medium_1_9&term=exersize+ball
5) BEAN BAG from The Bean Bag prices vary according to size and material. After a long day of school and therapy, the kiddo's favorite way to relax is to flop in his bean bag and watch some TV or chill out with an iPad game or ten. :-) If he's having a hard time and I can see he is craving some deep pressure input, I'll put this on top of him. They are cozy as can be. This company is great but really there are so many stores that carry them. When in doubt, go for the biggest size. Kids grow over night and it's better for it to be to big than to small. Check them out here at http://www.thebeanbagchairoutlet.com/
6) WEIGHTED BLANKET by SensaCalm prices vary according to size and materials. This is a very helpful item for a tired autism family. Weighted blankets are a natural way to provide calming sensory input throughout the night for your child so they can sleep. Bonus part, you then can sleep!! The kiddo's grandparents bought him one last Christmas and we love it. Check out the web site here at http://www.sensacalm.com/
7) HAND MINI MASSAGER by HoMedics $5.81 Another great on the go item for sensory input. I think we have about four of these floating around the house. Handy for Mom and Dad too after a long day of work. Get them here at http://www.walmart.com/ip/HoMedics-Thera-P-Handheld-Personal-Mini-Massager-Blue/17176523
8) CRYSTAL SQUEEZE BEAD BALL by Flaghouse $6.95 Sometimes you just got to wiggle, move, fidget or just do something with your hands. Small enough to go in a pocket or be tossed in the great big old mom purse you carry around.
One other piece advice I want to share with you all. If you have parents asking for what you think is kind of odd/quirky/weird to you stuff, just get it. Don't question it. They know their kid best. If they say they need a pink fuzzy pair of bunny slippers for their son, you get them! It's not about you. It's about making that kid happy. So if you get a request for a warehouse size box of Goldfish crackers or a sleeve of red Solo plastic cups, wrap it up. You're going to make that kid so stinking happy! Some of these web sites and companies will be completely new to you but poke around on them. They have some great options and other suggestion that also could be hits. Besides, you got birthdays to think about as well!
Now pardon me while I go make up my wish list, I'm hopping Santa puts Benedict Cumberbatch and a bottle of Champagne under my tree. Or my husband and a box of wine. That'll work too. :-)
Then I remembered I'm not Oprah and more importantly, I do not have Oprah money. Sorry fries. The only thing I could give away is various expired coupons I forget to use and old ATM receipts from my wallet. Quite a few folks follow this blog. While they don't have kids with autism, they know someone that does. They want to get them a nice holiday gift and they are kind of scratching their heads on what to give. Hell, some parents reading this are probably thinking this same. So here's a list of the top winners at French Fry Inc and the places you can get them. Kiddo tested and approved! (Disclaimer, these opinions are my own. I was provided samples or had previously bought the items of each to review)
1) CHEWIGEM "Dog Tags" style necklace $19.95 For those who need to chew for sensory input and self calming. I love these things. The site itself has lots of options, styles and colors. Even bracelets too. Stylish to look just like an accessory but made from non-toxic silicone. The necklace even has a breakaway clasp for safety. Easy to clean by hand or toss it in the top rack of the dishwasher. A perfect stocking stuffer. Get them here at http://www.chewigemusa.com/collections/dog-tags
2) ROCKIN' ROCKER BOARD from Fun and Function $69.95 This is the sturdiest rocker balance board I have ever seen! I ought to know, the kiddo has broken quite of few by throwing them. This thing is solidly made. Doesn't take up a lot of room. Easy to wipe down to clean. Use it standing, sitting or kneeling. This board is great for working on balance and motor planning. When I first took it out of the box he immediately started playing with it. Winner Winner!! Get them here at http://funandfunction.com/rockin-rockertm-board.html
3) SPACE EXPLORER Body Sock from Fun and Function starting at $32.99 Need a great sensory toy that's great for travel? This is the toy! Super for motor planning and perfect for those kids who are MAJOR sensory seekers. If your kiddo is like mine, this is really great for the input they are craving. Folds up easy for a suitcase and is machine washable because let's face it, life is messy. Comes in a variety of sizes and colors. Now animals prints too!! Get it here at http://funandfunction.com/space-explorers.html
4) EXERCISE BALL by Natural Fitness at Target $24.99 Got a kiddo just seems to be bouncing off the walls? Give them a place to bounce! Trampolines are great but many are made only for little kids. This ball was a weight capacity of up to 300 pounds. Trust me, my kiddo has given this ball a solid test over the past two years. Still going very strong. Inflates in minutes. Good for when they need to just get out of some cabin fever energy or just chilling on it watching TV. Great for balance and working on flexibility. They do come in many sizes and I got mine in Target itself one day. Order them online at http://www.target.com/p/natural-fitness-300-lb-burst-resistant-exercise-ball-55cm-plum/-/A-10988471#prodSlot=medium_1_9&term=exersize+ball
5) BEAN BAG from The Bean Bag prices vary according to size and material. After a long day of school and therapy, the kiddo's favorite way to relax is to flop in his bean bag and watch some TV or chill out with an iPad game or ten. :-) If he's having a hard time and I can see he is craving some deep pressure input, I'll put this on top of him. They are cozy as can be. This company is great but really there are so many stores that carry them. When in doubt, go for the biggest size. Kids grow over night and it's better for it to be to big than to small. Check them out here at http://www.thebeanbagchairoutlet.com/
6) WEIGHTED BLANKET by SensaCalm prices vary according to size and materials. This is a very helpful item for a tired autism family. Weighted blankets are a natural way to provide calming sensory input throughout the night for your child so they can sleep. Bonus part, you then can sleep!! The kiddo's grandparents bought him one last Christmas and we love it. Check out the web site here at http://www.sensacalm.com/
7) HAND MINI MASSAGER by HoMedics $5.81 Another great on the go item for sensory input. I think we have about four of these floating around the house. Handy for Mom and Dad too after a long day of work. Get them here at http://www.walmart.com/ip/HoMedics-Thera-P-Handheld-Personal-Mini-Massager-Blue/17176523
8) CRYSTAL SQUEEZE BEAD BALL by Flaghouse $6.95 Sometimes you just got to wiggle, move, fidget or just do something with your hands. Small enough to go in a pocket or be tossed in the great big old mom purse you carry around.
One other piece advice I want to share with you all. If you have parents asking for what you think is kind of odd/quirky/weird to you stuff, just get it. Don't question it. They know their kid best. If they say they need a pink fuzzy pair of bunny slippers for their son, you get them! It's not about you. It's about making that kid happy. So if you get a request for a warehouse size box of Goldfish crackers or a sleeve of red Solo plastic cups, wrap it up. You're going to make that kid so stinking happy! Some of these web sites and companies will be completely new to you but poke around on them. They have some great options and other suggestion that also could be hits. Besides, you got birthdays to think about as well!
Now pardon me while I go make up my wish list, I'm hopping Santa puts Benedict Cumberbatch and a bottle of Champagne under my tree. Or my husband and a box of wine. That'll work too. :-)
Monday, November 25, 2013
"They'll eat when they're hungry."
No honey, they won't. Not my kiddo and from what I hear, not a lot of other kids with autism either.
This sentence has been way to much. From the get go. You see, my kiddo would in fact pick starving rather than eating. That lent itself to me doing what I call "Desperate Acts of Parenting". Think how cranky/listless and down right crappy you feel when you are hungry. Add a dash of autism and you got a recipe for an epic meltdown with poor health for dessert. Good times people! Good times. I would beg this kiddo to eat anything. I mean anything, if it meant something would pass those lips of his. How else do you think this blog got named? Fries for breakfast? Sure! They are just hash browns in stick form. Same thing! Not to mention the limited places we could grab a bite to eat ourselves that we could take him that would be quick and would be able to purchase through a drive thru window should we not even get across the parking lot without a meltdown because he saw a school bus he wanted to touch barreling down the highway. Big mean mommy that I am, I wouldn't let him run into traffic to go play on it. Plus the added bonus of those little indoor playgrounds. Nothing helps builds up your child's budding immune system by being exposed to the petri dish that is the ball pit! Hey it's good sensory work. I'll just give him a Silkwood type shower after. He'll be fine.
I started seeing the eating issues when the kiddo was about twenty months old. Being the new (clueless) mom that I was, I eagerly accepted that he was just starting to be fussy as a result of the "terrible twos" that he was approaching. Four months ahead of the game! My word! Truly he was gifted. However when mealtime became a battle that ended in tears, usually mine, I suspected it was more than just being a toddler. By the time we finally got an early intervention speech therapist into our lives to take a look at this, I was frazzled hot mess. I was desperate. Not eating was effecting EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY in this house! (Except the dog actually. Whatever the kiddo threw, boy, that puppy was loving it!) That poor therapist was probably driven to drink by the kiddo. Not a single spoon or those little Nuk brushes would go in his mouth without a major production. It wound up being one single spoon that my son would actually wrap his lips around in the beginning. If the house ever caught fire I think I would of run back into the burning flames to rescue that spoon. Even she seemed a little shocked that I was willing to feed him chocolate pudding at 9:30 in the morning if it meant something on a spoon got in his mouth. I did not care. When it came to getting him to eat, it was by any means necessary.
We are now on our second attempt at feeding therapy with this kiddo. I'm cautiously optimistic by his progress this go around. We have gotten him to try more things. He finally started used a fork correctly. Might be a no brainer for anyone else but for us it was a multi step process of learning how to accept that this sharp pointy thing was going to go in his open mouth just far enough to get the food in but not so far to gag on it or stab himself. That he would then bite down on the fork and pull it out to get the food off the fork. That he would have to manage the sensation of the different textures of the food next to feeling the texture of the metal or plastic of the fork and then remember after all that to chew his bite completely and then swallow. Repeat, repeat and repeat. It's a process.
I've kind of accepted that eating is always going to be a major issue for him but hey, what else is new. The fact that the kiddo is willing to try some new foods here and there give me some hope. Please though, please don't ever tell me he will eat when he's hungry because after nine years of this I can tell you without a doubt that he won't. This isn't him being a fussy eater. This isn't just me spoiling him. Please don't tell me to bring him shopping or involve him in the cooking because I've done both and neither have made a dent in this problem. (Much like his father, he doesn't like cooking at all.) Yeah, I already know about all those how to hide veggies in foods cookbooks. Bought a few of them too. Problem was he wouldn't even eat the foods that were suppose to be the carriers of the secret veggies. We have about a thousand different mountains to climb. It stinks that eating is one of them. Sensory processing disorder is real and sometimes it's a real pain in the ass. I'm not going to lie about that. I can never even tell what each meal is going to be like still.
Let me break it down to you this way. This kiddo is the walking french fry but there was a time that they couldn't be any other shape but sticks. No curly fries. No crinkle cut. Don't even think about steak fries or wedges. Matchsticks cut or nothing. The first time he "kissed" a waffle fry I almost wept for joy. Yeah, it can be just that complex. So I don't know what I was thinking when I offered him mashed potatoes last night. Just the inside of a fry right? WRONG!
I must of had a leave of my senses. :-)
This sentence has been way to much. From the get go. You see, my kiddo would in fact pick starving rather than eating. That lent itself to me doing what I call "Desperate Acts of Parenting". Think how cranky/listless and down right crappy you feel when you are hungry. Add a dash of autism and you got a recipe for an epic meltdown with poor health for dessert. Good times people! Good times. I would beg this kiddo to eat anything. I mean anything, if it meant something would pass those lips of his. How else do you think this blog got named? Fries for breakfast? Sure! They are just hash browns in stick form. Same thing! Not to mention the limited places we could grab a bite to eat ourselves that we could take him that would be quick and would be able to purchase through a drive thru window should we not even get across the parking lot without a meltdown because he saw a school bus he wanted to touch barreling down the highway. Big mean mommy that I am, I wouldn't let him run into traffic to go play on it. Plus the added bonus of those little indoor playgrounds. Nothing helps builds up your child's budding immune system by being exposed to the petri dish that is the ball pit! Hey it's good sensory work. I'll just give him a Silkwood type shower after. He'll be fine.
I started seeing the eating issues when the kiddo was about twenty months old. Being the new (clueless) mom that I was, I eagerly accepted that he was just starting to be fussy as a result of the "terrible twos" that he was approaching. Four months ahead of the game! My word! Truly he was gifted. However when mealtime became a battle that ended in tears, usually mine, I suspected it was more than just being a toddler. By the time we finally got an early intervention speech therapist into our lives to take a look at this, I was frazzled hot mess. I was desperate. Not eating was effecting EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY in this house! (Except the dog actually. Whatever the kiddo threw, boy, that puppy was loving it!) That poor therapist was probably driven to drink by the kiddo. Not a single spoon or those little Nuk brushes would go in his mouth without a major production. It wound up being one single spoon that my son would actually wrap his lips around in the beginning. If the house ever caught fire I think I would of run back into the burning flames to rescue that spoon. Even she seemed a little shocked that I was willing to feed him chocolate pudding at 9:30 in the morning if it meant something on a spoon got in his mouth. I did not care. When it came to getting him to eat, it was by any means necessary.
We are now on our second attempt at feeding therapy with this kiddo. I'm cautiously optimistic by his progress this go around. We have gotten him to try more things. He finally started used a fork correctly. Might be a no brainer for anyone else but for us it was a multi step process of learning how to accept that this sharp pointy thing was going to go in his open mouth just far enough to get the food in but not so far to gag on it or stab himself. That he would then bite down on the fork and pull it out to get the food off the fork. That he would have to manage the sensation of the different textures of the food next to feeling the texture of the metal or plastic of the fork and then remember after all that to chew his bite completely and then swallow. Repeat, repeat and repeat. It's a process.
I've kind of accepted that eating is always going to be a major issue for him but hey, what else is new. The fact that the kiddo is willing to try some new foods here and there give me some hope. Please though, please don't ever tell me he will eat when he's hungry because after nine years of this I can tell you without a doubt that he won't. This isn't him being a fussy eater. This isn't just me spoiling him. Please don't tell me to bring him shopping or involve him in the cooking because I've done both and neither have made a dent in this problem. (Much like his father, he doesn't like cooking at all.) Yeah, I already know about all those how to hide veggies in foods cookbooks. Bought a few of them too. Problem was he wouldn't even eat the foods that were suppose to be the carriers of the secret veggies. We have about a thousand different mountains to climb. It stinks that eating is one of them. Sensory processing disorder is real and sometimes it's a real pain in the ass. I'm not going to lie about that. I can never even tell what each meal is going to be like still.
Let me break it down to you this way. This kiddo is the walking french fry but there was a time that they couldn't be any other shape but sticks. No curly fries. No crinkle cut. Don't even think about steak fries or wedges. Matchsticks cut or nothing. The first time he "kissed" a waffle fry I almost wept for joy. Yeah, it can be just that complex. So I don't know what I was thinking when I offered him mashed potatoes last night. Just the inside of a fry right? WRONG!
I must of had a leave of my senses. :-)
Monday, November 18, 2013
"Oh my kid does that too."
I hear this sentence a lot. I've heard it expressed in different ways though. Sometimes it's said in an effort to relate to me and my kiddo. Sometimes I hear it and I feel completely dismissed by it. And sometimes I say it and I have seen looks of hope, pity and outright shock in the face of a parent looking at me.
"Your kiddo is obsessed with trains. Oh my kid does that too." Well that's great and all but my kiddo is nine. I'm betting your kiddo if they are the same age, is well past that point of all things Island of Sodor. I'm betting you don't plan vacations on around train museums to visit or have to make up social stories about when the train ride is finished we say thank you and we do not cry. Plus when this was said to me during our first trip down the rabbit hole that is Thomas the Tank Engine, I'm betting your kid actually played make believe with the toys. He didn't just line them up. Now right here, someone is saying "Oh my kid did that too." but I'm pretty sure they did that PLUS other things with them. Not just this and eventually they moved on. Maybe they still have a fond affection for trains and always will but trust me, my kiddo never truly abandons an obsession. I'm betting your kid got into something else.
"Your kiddo is rowdy with your dog. Oh my kid does that too." Now I'm betting you will tell me about that one time your kiddo got nipped by the dog and never did it again. That it taught them a lesson. Yep, my kiddo has been nipped. Multiple times. It never teaches him "the lesson". So please excuse me while I watch him like a hawk around your pet because despite it happening countless times, he's never stopped getting in an animal's face. It's not rough housing. It's not be a rowdy boy on his part. It's not "rough and tumble" play as my child psychology professor used to like to call it. It's an accident waiting to happen. I'm betting your kiddo didn't get nipped and immediately start scripting from Yo Gabba Gabba "We don't ever bite our friends."
"Your kiddo hates school. Oh my kid does that too." As much as my son craves and relies on the schedule of his school day, he also has a wonderful way to get my heart beating in the morning. I will have to prompt him no less than 8,304 times to finish his breakfast. I will wrestle this nine year old boy into his jacket every morning. Even though he has been going to school since the day after his third birthday, I will have to remind him to get his backpack every single morning. While your kid might be excited if the bus is late or wakes up to a sudden snow day, mine will likely melt down for an hour over it. Don't even get me started on handwriting homework. It has driven me to drink. Fourth grade math might baffle your kid but my son still is challenged by having to sign his name.
Now here's where I will flip this sentence. If I say "Oh my kid does that too." to someone, I can you bet you dollars to donuts that they might blink in shock. Especially if their kid isn't on the spectrum. I've seen other moms actually look terrified when I have said it. Like their kid is going to catch the kiddo's autism. Best get them out of there right away. While you can relate to some of the things I said, guess what? I can do the same to what you say. Complicated isn't it? It isn't all autism all the time here. There are some parts of him that are just like your kids.
I guess what's always kind of stuck in my craw about that damn sentence is that it can make me feel like my concerns or worries aren't valid. I know I heard this sentence a lot when we were just starting the autism diagnosis process. Friends and families were trying to calm our fears. Little tip, it doesn't really. It just sticks out more in your mind, the differences in our kids. It just made me feel like the idea of autism was so awful that no one even wanted to discuss it. That made me so sad. It made me convinced he'd never be accepted by anyone. Even possibly myself. How can you come to terms with autism if you won't even acknowledge it? Just doesn't work.
Well I will agree with you on one thing. The fries, all kids do love the fries too. :-)
"Your kiddo is obsessed with trains. Oh my kid does that too." Well that's great and all but my kiddo is nine. I'm betting your kiddo if they are the same age, is well past that point of all things Island of Sodor. I'm betting you don't plan vacations on around train museums to visit or have to make up social stories about when the train ride is finished we say thank you and we do not cry. Plus when this was said to me during our first trip down the rabbit hole that is Thomas the Tank Engine, I'm betting your kid actually played make believe with the toys. He didn't just line them up. Now right here, someone is saying "Oh my kid did that too." but I'm pretty sure they did that PLUS other things with them. Not just this and eventually they moved on. Maybe they still have a fond affection for trains and always will but trust me, my kiddo never truly abandons an obsession. I'm betting your kid got into something else.
"Your kiddo is rowdy with your dog. Oh my kid does that too." Now I'm betting you will tell me about that one time your kiddo got nipped by the dog and never did it again. That it taught them a lesson. Yep, my kiddo has been nipped. Multiple times. It never teaches him "the lesson". So please excuse me while I watch him like a hawk around your pet because despite it happening countless times, he's never stopped getting in an animal's face. It's not rough housing. It's not be a rowdy boy on his part. It's not "rough and tumble" play as my child psychology professor used to like to call it. It's an accident waiting to happen. I'm betting your kiddo didn't get nipped and immediately start scripting from Yo Gabba Gabba "We don't ever bite our friends."
"Your kiddo hates school. Oh my kid does that too." As much as my son craves and relies on the schedule of his school day, he also has a wonderful way to get my heart beating in the morning. I will have to prompt him no less than 8,304 times to finish his breakfast. I will wrestle this nine year old boy into his jacket every morning. Even though he has been going to school since the day after his third birthday, I will have to remind him to get his backpack every single morning. While your kid might be excited if the bus is late or wakes up to a sudden snow day, mine will likely melt down for an hour over it. Don't even get me started on handwriting homework. It has driven me to drink. Fourth grade math might baffle your kid but my son still is challenged by having to sign his name.
Now here's where I will flip this sentence. If I say "Oh my kid does that too." to someone, I can you bet you dollars to donuts that they might blink in shock. Especially if their kid isn't on the spectrum. I've seen other moms actually look terrified when I have said it. Like their kid is going to catch the kiddo's autism. Best get them out of there right away. While you can relate to some of the things I said, guess what? I can do the same to what you say. Complicated isn't it? It isn't all autism all the time here. There are some parts of him that are just like your kids.
I guess what's always kind of stuck in my craw about that damn sentence is that it can make me feel like my concerns or worries aren't valid. I know I heard this sentence a lot when we were just starting the autism diagnosis process. Friends and families were trying to calm our fears. Little tip, it doesn't really. It just sticks out more in your mind, the differences in our kids. It just made me feel like the idea of autism was so awful that no one even wanted to discuss it. That made me so sad. It made me convinced he'd never be accepted by anyone. Even possibly myself. How can you come to terms with autism if you won't even acknowledge it? Just doesn't work.
Well I will agree with you on one thing. The fries, all kids do love the fries too. :-)
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Age Appropriate? Pffffft!
Tis the season for my mother to start holiday shopping. Granny Fry, I am convinced, starts shopping for next year's Christmas on December 26. Sometimes, she is so ahead of the game that she often forgets what it is that she bought until she stumbles upon it when hiding the latest thing she bought for one of her grandkids. Mainly this applies to my niece who is very easy to spend money on because she loves girly girl stuff. If glitter and sequins cover it, buy it. My older nephew is the video game king and there is always a latest game to get around that time. It's the kiddo that is the challenge to her. Well, frankly to me too. What else is new?
She's been asking. (Yes Mom, as you read this, I do have a list, I swear. I will email it to you.) I've discussed this here before. Shopping for gifts for him is tough. Just freaking hard. I don't know what he'll want half the damn time and I gave birth to him. Now I have all these well meaning relatives that want to buy him presents too? Good lord, you all are driving me to drink. (P.S. Buy Mama Fry more boxed wine. Easy to wrap!) As much as I want to say "Please he doesn't need anything." or "Gift cards/cash", I know it will be countered with "But he has to open something!!!!"
So I'm thumbing through the latest catalog from Fun and Function. (Go google them. They do have some cool stuff for spectrumy quirky kids. They didn't pay me to say this. I just honestly like them.) I'm making my list and I'm reading all the online reviews, trying to figure out what he'll actually like. I started to dismiss something as not "age appropriate" for him. Not that he wasn't old enough for it. Quite the opposite. I'm constantly catching myself doing this. Deciding not to get something. Or getting wrapped up in this idea that something is too young for him. Babyish, if you will. You know what? I'm a big old hypocrite for even thinking that.
As I thought "Oh he's too old for this.", not an hour earlier I had texted a friend of mine a link to a cartoon ad we both liked. I did this next to the Star Trek Enterprise toy that belongs to my husband, not our son. I enjoy watching The Polar Express with my son all the freaking time. Going to new Pixar movies excite me more than him. My husband builds forts and hangs out there with our kiddo. I tend to get annoyed at those bouncy house places that adults aren't allowed on the slide. I want to go on one! On vacation, my husband and I engaged in a battle royale with an air hockey table at an arcade. Kiddo wasn't even playing. He was to busy stuffing his face with popcorn. Acting our age? Not even close. So why am I so wrapped up in this? Why does it matter if a puzzle is considered to be not in the right age bracket for him. Does it make him happy? Will he use it? That's all I really need to worry about here.
Recently, I started to see him rediscover some of the old TV shows and cartoons that I guess you could say are more in line with a five year old than a nine year old. I started to see it's because he can actually follow the plot. It's not just noise on in the background anymore. So big deal if he wants to watch them. Even the really trippy ones, like Yo Gabba Gabba. (I'm still not sure what FooFa is and I'm not sure I want to know.) My husband is still searching for a copy of "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol". If I ever find it, I'm buying it for him. Why should I care if the kiddo wants to watch the Weird Al Yankovic "Circus" episode daily? (I think we can all agree that it was a superior episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. Minus that whole making Broobie a clown because clowns are creepy.)
New this holiday season, the kiddo has started a list! He's never done that before. I'm kind of stoked about that. One item, well I guess they are what a lot of nine year old kids would want. A skateboard and all I can think is "Oh he's way to little for that. Nope. No way. Too small. He'll hurt himself! Not my teeny tiny baby who weighs 74 pounds!" Man I like moving that whole age appropriate argument around to suit me when I need it. I wonder if I can get one with the Plex the Magic Robot on it? Cause why not balance it all out? We do as neurotypicals aka "Muggles". And here I am referencing Harry Potter, a book series for kids. See my point? :-)
She's been asking. (Yes Mom, as you read this, I do have a list, I swear. I will email it to you.) I've discussed this here before. Shopping for gifts for him is tough. Just freaking hard. I don't know what he'll want half the damn time and I gave birth to him. Now I have all these well meaning relatives that want to buy him presents too? Good lord, you all are driving me to drink. (P.S. Buy Mama Fry more boxed wine. Easy to wrap!) As much as I want to say "Please he doesn't need anything." or "Gift cards/cash", I know it will be countered with "But he has to open something!!!!"
So I'm thumbing through the latest catalog from Fun and Function. (Go google them. They do have some cool stuff for spectrumy quirky kids. They didn't pay me to say this. I just honestly like them.) I'm making my list and I'm reading all the online reviews, trying to figure out what he'll actually like. I started to dismiss something as not "age appropriate" for him. Not that he wasn't old enough for it. Quite the opposite. I'm constantly catching myself doing this. Deciding not to get something. Or getting wrapped up in this idea that something is too young for him. Babyish, if you will. You know what? I'm a big old hypocrite for even thinking that.
As I thought "Oh he's too old for this.", not an hour earlier I had texted a friend of mine a link to a cartoon ad we both liked. I did this next to the Star Trek Enterprise toy that belongs to my husband, not our son. I enjoy watching The Polar Express with my son all the freaking time. Going to new Pixar movies excite me more than him. My husband builds forts and hangs out there with our kiddo. I tend to get annoyed at those bouncy house places that adults aren't allowed on the slide. I want to go on one! On vacation, my husband and I engaged in a battle royale with an air hockey table at an arcade. Kiddo wasn't even playing. He was to busy stuffing his face with popcorn. Acting our age? Not even close. So why am I so wrapped up in this? Why does it matter if a puzzle is considered to be not in the right age bracket for him. Does it make him happy? Will he use it? That's all I really need to worry about here.
Recently, I started to see him rediscover some of the old TV shows and cartoons that I guess you could say are more in line with a five year old than a nine year old. I started to see it's because he can actually follow the plot. It's not just noise on in the background anymore. So big deal if he wants to watch them. Even the really trippy ones, like Yo Gabba Gabba. (I'm still not sure what FooFa is and I'm not sure I want to know.) My husband is still searching for a copy of "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol". If I ever find it, I'm buying it for him. Why should I care if the kiddo wants to watch the Weird Al Yankovic "Circus" episode daily? (I think we can all agree that it was a superior episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. Minus that whole making Broobie a clown because clowns are creepy.)
New this holiday season, the kiddo has started a list! He's never done that before. I'm kind of stoked about that. One item, well I guess they are what a lot of nine year old kids would want. A skateboard and all I can think is "Oh he's way to little for that. Nope. No way. Too small. He'll hurt himself! Not my teeny tiny baby who weighs 74 pounds!" Man I like moving that whole age appropriate argument around to suit me when I need it. I wonder if I can get one with the Plex the Magic Robot on it? Cause why not balance it all out? We do as neurotypicals aka "Muggles". And here I am referencing Harry Potter, a book series for kids. See my point? :-)
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
"Exact Words Greg!"
Life with the kiddo isn't exactly an episode of The Brady Bunch. I'm not rocking a perfect flip in my hair. I thank the good Lord each day that there not six of the kiddo running around an astro turf back yard. My husband has yet to take me on a business trip with him to Hawaii and one look around my house will show you pretty quickly that there is no Alice, the maid. This morning though, I was pretty sure my son had turned into a Brady. Let me explain.
Yesterday the kiddo came home from school and does his usual routine of emptying out his backpack and handing all items over to me. Included in this exchange was part of a PTA fund raising order that had come in. It's pretty clear to me that this is not my entire order and it's kind of odd to only get part of it without some sort of note or email blast going out explaining what's up. The kiddo's PTA is pretty good that way. So I jot off an email to our Madame President with a "where's my stuff?" whine. She then forwards it to another mom with her own "where's her stuff?" to boot. I add another email to both ladies with a "Dudes, I ordered A LOT of stuff. Christmas presents! Come on!!" Yeah, I'll fess up. I started my shopping way early this year and actually felt like I had my shit together. To find out that about 8 items were MIA sent me into a tizz.
Cut to the scene this morning and the school bus rolling on up. The kiddo starts to hop on but the aide inside stops him. She comes down the steps with a bag that appears to be the rest of my order. Apparently, he left it on the bus. I thanked her and the driver but did look at the kiddo and said "Buddy? What the heck? You're suppose to give this to me. You know that."
Kiddo points at it and says; "Not in the backpack." and it dawns on me. Why did I get the first part of that order? Cause it fit in his backpack. Why did this not come home? Because it was NOT in his backpack. Ergo, not his responsibility to move heaven and earth to give it to me. He and his literal thinking, his autism way, had found his loophole. How could I possibly complain as he did indeed hand over to me the contents of what is in his backpack? He did his job. With that he high fived the bus driver and went off to school, having owned his mother once again by 8:40AM.
"Exact words Greg!" All I could think of was this old episode. How Greg thought he had completely outsmarted his parents. This autism way is exact words all the freaking time. To the point of where sometimes it saves me but most of the time, it saves him. When things are clearly stated, everybody is happier for it. There was a part of me that just wants to have my "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" moment and just rage against the Brady Status Quo but it is what it is. So tonight I will sit down again with the boy and explain that ALL things handed over at school need to come home, regardless of if they are in his backpack or have to be carried in another bag. I'm sure there will also be a long debate over the color, size and shape of said additional bag. That no, I will not always be able to predict on which days such things shall occur.
Pardon me Madame President as I may never order anything again. Will this be an issue? Were you trying to get Davy Jones to sing at the prom? Oh wait, he passed away. Never mind.
Oh autism, exact words to be etched in stone but that stone better be in the backpack.
Yesterday the kiddo came home from school and does his usual routine of emptying out his backpack and handing all items over to me. Included in this exchange was part of a PTA fund raising order that had come in. It's pretty clear to me that this is not my entire order and it's kind of odd to only get part of it without some sort of note or email blast going out explaining what's up. The kiddo's PTA is pretty good that way. So I jot off an email to our Madame President with a "where's my stuff?" whine. She then forwards it to another mom with her own "where's her stuff?" to boot. I add another email to both ladies with a "Dudes, I ordered A LOT of stuff. Christmas presents! Come on!!" Yeah, I'll fess up. I started my shopping way early this year and actually felt like I had my shit together. To find out that about 8 items were MIA sent me into a tizz.
Cut to the scene this morning and the school bus rolling on up. The kiddo starts to hop on but the aide inside stops him. She comes down the steps with a bag that appears to be the rest of my order. Apparently, he left it on the bus. I thanked her and the driver but did look at the kiddo and said "Buddy? What the heck? You're suppose to give this to me. You know that."
Kiddo points at it and says; "Not in the backpack." and it dawns on me. Why did I get the first part of that order? Cause it fit in his backpack. Why did this not come home? Because it was NOT in his backpack. Ergo, not his responsibility to move heaven and earth to give it to me. He and his literal thinking, his autism way, had found his loophole. How could I possibly complain as he did indeed hand over to me the contents of what is in his backpack? He did his job. With that he high fived the bus driver and went off to school, having owned his mother once again by 8:40AM.
"Exact words Greg!" All I could think of was this old episode. How Greg thought he had completely outsmarted his parents. This autism way is exact words all the freaking time. To the point of where sometimes it saves me but most of the time, it saves him. When things are clearly stated, everybody is happier for it. There was a part of me that just wants to have my "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" moment and just rage against the Brady Status Quo but it is what it is. So tonight I will sit down again with the boy and explain that ALL things handed over at school need to come home, regardless of if they are in his backpack or have to be carried in another bag. I'm sure there will also be a long debate over the color, size and shape of said additional bag. That no, I will not always be able to predict on which days such things shall occur.
Pardon me Madame President as I may never order anything again. Will this be an issue? Were you trying to get Davy Jones to sing at the prom? Oh wait, he passed away. Never mind.
Oh autism, exact words to be etched in stone but that stone better be in the backpack.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)