Dear Me from 2006

Oh girl, you really haven't a clue what's in store for you.  You thought by working in the field of autism and special needs that you were trained for what's ahead.  Not even close.  Not by a mile.  You see, when it's YOUR kiddo's name on the paperwork (and there will be mounds of paperwork) and all the reams of data of what he can or cannot do in front of you, it's going to slap you so hard it makes you feel paralyzed with fear.  Cause you used to write paperwork like that about somebody kiddo.  You didn't have your heart tied to it.  You wrote your report, goals, parent note home etc, filed the triplicate forms to the right parties and swiped out your time card at the end of the day.   It's gonna be okay though honey.  You see, your kiddo is gonna prove a lot of those tests and evaluations wrong.  You know all those classes you took in college on testing and evaluations, you're gonna see first hand they really suck.  There are a billion special kiddos in the world.  How are you gonna put them all in the same box with the same test? Ridiculous right?

Really the test scores are going to look like a cake walk compared to how others in your life react to your son and his autism diagnosis.  Betcha didn't know when you shared with someone you cared about your worry and your concerns about your son's issues that they could make it all about them.  Honey, it's gonna knock you sideways to see how with autism in your life, you will loose some people.  Some were friends and some even family.  Don't worry though.  This really does just weed out the ones that really didn't need to be there anymore.  Plus the bonus is you will make room for the new ones.   The really awesome, fantastic, oh my god I want to buy a compound and take on all these other gals as Sister Wives, autism moms.  Folks who just nod their heads and get "it".  So yeah, Thanks Autism.  I've met some of the coolest people because of you.

He's going to do stuff you are convinced now he will never do.  I'm talking big huge stuff here.  Remember how you cried the other day that he would never say "I love you." or anything at all.  Last December, he got up in front of an auditorium packed with people and introduced a song.  Not only that, you heard him singing it from the second to back row where you were hiding from him as to not distract him.  Oh and the toilet training, he did it! I KNOW!  Heads up, you're still gonna have to remind him to go sometimes and it's going to take a long time to get "number two" down but he'll do it.  Here I'm gonna rock your world when I tell you this one.  Not only will handle all bathroom doings on his own, he'll tackle a public restroom on his own without you.  That's right, you're baby boy is going to walk right into a men's room before you can grab him and just go do his thing.  While you are standing outside freaking out about possible kidnappers and pedophiles in there, the only thing that's really going to frighten him is the automatic hand dryer.  He did it.  He survived.  You'll be amazed and still frightened for him to do it again but you'll let him because that's what we're working this hard to do.

Yeah, you are going to still be so freaking tired. Sleep and autism.   They really don't go hand in hand.  You will spend a lot of money on coffee and melatonin.   What else can I say?  Somehow you just get used to it.  You won't like it any but you'll just accept your fate and deal with it.

You're still going to have pity parties.  They'll be shorter though because you're going to learn that they don't really help much in the long scheme of things.  Besides, you got a blog to write. Nobody is going to want to read another depressing blog.  That's right sport, you're going to be cracking wise about autism.  There are going to still be days that suck ass but you will learn that it's way more important to focus on the funny.  That's what is going to get you through this.  Snark on Mama. Sarcasm saves Sanity.

Also stock up on wine.  Lots of wine.  And Advil.

Love me. :-)