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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

When progress bit me on the ass

Cursing. Yep, The Kiddo went there.  I suspect because I often led him there.  I know I did.  My potty mouth is terrible.  For years, I was able to keep it in check at work because they usually frown upon it.  Then I would let out the blue streak out of my mouth as soon as I got in my car and throughout the rest of my day.  Sometimes it just feels damn good to say "Fuck it!"

I'm not working outside the home anymore and I"m a mom now.  I really ought to known better.  I do know better. However, old habits die hard and I don't have a behavior therapist doing ABA on me.  Plus, I took great advantage of the kiddo being completely non verbal for a long time.  Hell, I would of been happy if he said "Shit" when he was first diagnosed.  Especially to this one early intervention therapist who was kind of a stuck up know it all.  She could of used it.   Would of knocked her down a few pegs.  I'm sure there are few parents reading this now who are thinking "I"d be happy if my kid said anything.  Hey, it's language".  Fuck yeah it is!

But let me tell ya something, when it does happen, duuuuuuude.  There's really no other way to describe it.  Last Monday he started saying "It's fucking crazy." and like some sort of autism mom rookie I made the huge mistake of making a big gasp sound.  He got a wonderful shocked reaction out of me and that was all the reinforcer he needed to keep saying it all day long.  Then the most mortifying moment of my life as his mom happened.   He repeated it loud and clear in the PACKED waiting room at speech therapy.  I quickly scolded him but I also knew I was fighting for his attention as several adults were starring  at him with that "Did he just say that???" So now he not only had my reaction, he had about five more adults giving him feedback that this an awesome attention getting behavior! YAY!!  When he went in for his appointment, I went to hide in my car. I couldn't even stay in the room, I felt that ashamed.   Of course, the kiddo decided to test this brand new fantastic sentence on his speech therapist during their appointment.  I like to think she was at least impressed with his articulation.  I mean, it's no "S" blends like "shit" but hey, we're still working on that one. 

So it's emails off to the teacher warning her of this habit.  I had a stern sit down with the kiddo explaining how he couldn't say it and Mommy wasn't going to either.  (Well in my head I will be screaming it but I got to put forth equal effort here) Don't say it in school.  In true literal thinking fashion, he did NOT say it in class or to his teacher.  He did however say it to the school nurse when he went for his meds, his school OT and his school speech therapist.  DANDY!  She sent home what she is doing in class to address it.  I am following it at home. It's gotten better.  I also think though, it's never going to fully go away.  For a kiddo that usually avoids eye contact, he LOVES all eyes on him and he knows this is a way to get that.   To paraphrase the Notorious B.I.G. here. Mo' Speech, Mo' Problems YO!

We managed to get through yesterday's speech session without dropping the F bomb in the waiting room.  I was able to wait in there without feeling like the world's worst mom in America.  It reminded me also I just can't ever assume he won't pick up on a word I say.  That he won't understand the meaning in it.  He knew that saying this way a big deal.  I"m sure with this terrible winter we are having, he heard me referring to all the snow days as "Fucking crazy".  I messed this up so I have to fix it. 

Eh, could of been worse right?  Could of been like this time he managed to get passed the baby gate on our bar and broke a bottle of vermouth on the floor ten minutes before the bus was due to come.  Nothing like sending your kiddo into preschool smelling like a dry martini!


11 comments:

  1. Similar sitch: my asd kiddo (in my classroom to boot in front of the other students and paras) informed the OT that maybe she should take the item back to her F-ing classroom. (It was said very politely. My paras said that it was like hearing a Disney princess drop the f bomb.) Made the mistake of saying: Where did you learn to say a word like that? "You, mom." We got to discuss different words for different environments. And started a curse jar at home, that she controls like a CEO. Made the mistake of arguing how much money I owed. "No, first you said f*ck, then you said sh*t...." And proceeded to tell me all 26 words...in sequence. Egads. So, you are not alone.

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  2. My filter doesn't always work. My 3 year old son has repeated "Oh Shit" and "Oh Fuck" more times than I can count. He'll drop it randomly, but usually just repeats it for the rest of the day.

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  3. I know professionals always assume they get it at home, but as clergy family, words like this are really not used in our home! Except by my austie! I was indeed mortified, (esp since it could cause me to be questioned by my parishioners!) but then I got to think of another layer to it! Not just language usage, but he is experimenting with it! Playing with it! What an awesome abstract exercise! "Yay! Now stop it!"

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  4. Our 3 year old soon to be 4 learned, "Kmart sucks dammit," from Daddy and says it for all to hear and my 9 year old hearing impaired son heard, "Are you f$%king kidding me?!" from Daddy too, but he says, "Are you bucking me?" So, I quickly redirect the words to "Are you bugging me?" So, I guess at times the hearing impairment saves me from what he could say!

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  5. Fan-freakin-tastic. It's a right of passage for moms, I think.

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  6. I am dying! I am right there with you!!! As I lover of the f bomb I am just waiting for my son to drop it. He is also delayed in speech and I can totally relate to the s blends and if he does drop the bomb I just hope he gets the final letter sound lol.

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  7. My lovely son use to telling his teacher she was a Fing Bitch when he was mad. Crazy how they always know how to use those words in context.( Just a side note, all of my neuro typical kids did this too.)helps keep us Mom's humble.

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  8. My son's first words were bull shit... lovely putting that in his baby book! That was forever ago...moved on to bigger & better curse words. I try to filter more which is hard since I'm pretty sure my filter broke when I was about 5. But, my husband refused to stop, stressed that the kiddo had to learn there were things he could say and do as an adult that as a kid he couldn't. It has worked for the most part. I do hear shit and damn it once in awhile when he thinks no one can hear him. But, hey, that's advanced thinking, right?! Lol!

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  9. This is the most priceless post ever! In my mind I'm thinking, "Wow, he said something!" Progress is progress. Thank you! From a mom with a broken "filter" to another.

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  10. Monkey, constantly uses the word frigging..Why? Because daddy gets mad EVERY time he does!

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  11. I just found your blog and had to comment. I cuss way too much. Our five year old with sensory issues was speech delayed and has articulation issues; he began speech therapy a year and a half ago (this after a doctor finally believed me that my son, who did not speak more than ten words until he was 2.5 years old, was not lazy in his speech). Last February, he picked up on the F word and came up to me and kept repeating it like it was a really cool word. The next week, his speech therapist sent a progress report home saying how our son was doing well with his "Fu" words. I was mortified. Fortunately, she did not mean THAT word. Whew. He still picks up on bad words and told his dad the other day (and his dad rarely says the F word) to "not say f--k; that's a bad word!" *sigh* I am trying not to cuss so much, but sometimes, the stress of dealing with him and his brother gets to be too much and it just flows.

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