Tuesday, September 23, 2014

It sneaks up on ya.

My nephew is a freshman in high school this year.  The same kid I used to sit on my mom's kitchen table "lazy Susan" and spin him like a ride is now about a head taller than me.  Despite a deep voice and the start of a mustache, it was the picture of him in his marching band uniform that made me squeal with delight.  He is so stinking cute in it!  Mama Fry was a choir/theater kid.  It's nice to see that popping up in the next generation. I can't help but be proud of him.

And that's when it sneaks up on me.

It was the simple comment made at a family gathering for his birthday.  Being in marching band was a good resume builder for college applications.  Of course I agreed.  It is and it's never too soon to start thinking about that.  Except we won't be.  College isn't in the cards for us.  I don't think I would mind that so much if I had a more firm idea of what would be in the cards for us.  That's still very much a great area of unknown.

Yeah, he'll probably get a job.  I have no idea what and all I really want it to be is something he likes doing.  He does enjoy helping out around here and his smile of pride in himself is a mile wide.  I will be proud when I see him so proud.

But I can't help but wonder how many more conversations I will have with other parents where I just nod my head knowingly to their concerns and topics about their kids when inside I'm really kind of faking it.  It's simply not my world.  Of course, when I start talking about ours, I'm sure they are doing the same thing.

Sure, what they have going on is valid stuff.  No contest winner here for most worried parent.  Plus, when I'm talking to these people about their kids of course I want them to do well in life.  I am happy with their joys as much as they are in ours.  It just still sneaks up on me how different our worlds are all the time still.  I love watching my nephew's videos of his marching band play.  I love watching his younger sister act exactly like me when I was that age much to my brother's chagrin.  (Stock up on beer now Bro.  You know what the teen years are going to be like.)

I guess I'm just a little weary of just walking along and then all the sudden it's like autism runs up and smacks me upside the head and then runs off again.  If you are ever wondering why I am so spacey,  it's not just the sleep deprivation. I'm just trying to remember my lines while switching off the autism 24/7 part of my brain.  You see, I often don't remember what road we were suppose to be on because my tour guide didn't come with a map or a GPS, despite an ability to remember every exit we have ever taken on a road trip plus where it leads.  So pardon me if I grow quiet as I gather my thoughts.  I didn't duck and autism slapped me.  Talk amoung yourselves as I shake it off.  I'll catch up!

(Seriously though, to my brother.  I see her dating musicians.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.)


  1. Find his passion and let him pursue that.Think Trade programs. There are colleges and college programs for special needs kids. Don't lose hope. My kiddo with a significant LD is at a community college taking 2 classes at a time. My friend's kiddo high functioning Autism also at community college. There is hope. hugs

  2. I so understand this, except mine is in my house. My DD ( the older child) is all AP and honors and just able to do anything she can imagine. My DS (ASD/ ADHD) is so very smart too but struggles everyday in school, he just can't get it from his head to his paper. I often feel I neglect my daughter, cause I know she can and will do what she needs to...and will be alright. I spend more time with my son, cause he needs more attention. As we plan college for her I wonder about him, and his future.

  3. I feel you! Totally and completely! This was my smack upside the head with autism and I still cry every time I think about it or read it.

  4. Similar thoughts in my world.... Lisa, from Quirks and Chaos

  5. Love to you Mama Fry! We're in the middle of a mess with our 19 year old that only he can get himself out of. Still wondering what adult life is going to be like for him... Overwhelming.