Something scarier than autism

You know what's scarier than an autism diagnosis?

Autism and puberty!

Good gravy, this kiddo is gonna kill me. Seriously, go buy stock in the L'oreal hair dye company. Business is going to good for the next ten years or so. No sooner do I cover my gray does he give me a reason to sprout twenty new screaming white hairs.

First, we are dealing with some growth spurts galore. OK, that I expected and it's not like I haven't dealt with them before. He puts on a pair of pants that he wore just the week before and they look like shorts. I can't help but wonder is he actually having growing pains. It wasn't just a cheesy sitcom from the 80s. It's a real thing. However, like all physical things with him, he can't tell me. I just get to guess. Which, can I just tell you how much fun that is? He usually clues us in on things like stomach upset by barfing across a table in a crowded restaurant. (Yeah, that's a place we can't go back to for like a year.).

Then, he's been getting some pimples on his face. Most of the time he doesn't seem phased by them. Last week however he had one of his nose the size of a volcano and it was PICK,POKE and POP all day long. Except when it did finally pop, he completely freaked out. I had the fun of trying to clean it up and then explain the importance of leaving it be.  As he had picked scabs till they've gotten infected. I'd like to avoid gang green or MRSA if possible.  I know, I'm a Miss FussyPants like that.

Hormones and hands in the pants. (Sounds like a bad emo band name). You might be thinking "Oh my kid is five and already does this. Big deal."  Oh nooooo Honey. You have no idea. It's about to go through the roof. Times ten. Hands in the pants, hands over the pants, hands holding it as he walks, hands grabbing it as he watches TV, hands grabbing other things to put on his junk to check out how that feels. Yeah, all those vibrating toys you bought for sensory input.  Need I say more?

And can we just discuss the fun of dancing the "Mood Swing Mambo"?  Happy,sad,frustrated,pissy,grumpy,hyper, ecstatic and content all happen AT ONCE!  Oh you thought communication issues were hard when they couldn't tell you what Thomas the Tank DVD they wanted on. Just start stocking up on wine, whiskey and or chocolate for yourself now.

I watch the Kiddo often disappear into his room now. Usually to play music or goof around with his iPad.  I'm of the philosophy that as long as I don't smell smoke, I'm not knocking on that door.  I'm just let my little man do what he has to do in there. Mama Fry doesn't want to know.  He always comes out eventually looking for fries.