Wednesday, August 12, 2015


"My son is four and he still refuses to even try to use the potty and I was wondering when..."

"My kid started OT three months ago and my husband and I still haven't seen any improvement so when..." 

"When did your Kiddo start eating?  I swear I could deal with the picky eating if I just knew when it would end..." 

Every time I see "when" in a sentence about autism and a young child, I sigh.  Not a "Gee, these people are so clueless." one.  More like "Oh yeah, I remember when I still 
couldn't let go of those milestone moments too."  Oh newbies.  Welcome to #TeamQuirky!  A life where you learn schedules really can help your child with autism and yet there's no real set standard of one to follow.  Come sit by me at this lunch table.  I am part of your tribe. 

I get it.  Your little one is in front of you and you are still consulting all your parenting books about what they should be doing at that age.  You see the time slipping away from you.  Why aren't they following the instructions?   You want to fix the problem. You are running out of time!

Here's the thing sport.  You must chill out.  There's a person that needs a time out right now and it's you.  I know. I know.  You're rattling off the screen right now about the importance of early intervention and how your child is falling behind and you have a limited window of time and yadda, yadda, yadda...  I hear you.  I know that song. Hell, I wrote that song.  The milestones?  The benchmarks? Guess who's in charge of that? I'll give you a hint.  NOT YOU!  

It's your kid and yes, I know it's super frustrating. They are the ones the ultimately decided anything.  Any progress or growth,all them. Pretty much the only thing you have control over is you accepting you don't have control.  So, hang on to that if it makes you feel better.  Otherwise, buckle up bitches.  It's a hell of a ride.  

The time you are so hung up will go at the pace they set.  Some of it will be fast.  (Like the Kiddo figuring out how to scale the baby gates like it was his job.)  Other times, it will stand still.  (Usually mid meltdown, when time stands still.)  If you're lucky, you might even get a sweet spot of time when they do stuff just like a typical kid their age.  (Kiddo took to bike riding like water off a duck's back.) Of course, the double edge sword of that time is you will start to compare and contract everything else they can and cannot do and when they did it.  Time is a real mofo like that.  

There is no set schedule to when things are going to happen for your kid and this life.  It's a real pain in the ass that I can't tell you when things will happen for your kid like it did for mine.  I also hate to tell you some of the stuff my kiddo does you kid might never do.  However, that might be both good and bad depending on how you look at things. (Maybe your kid won't think screaming like a howler monkey for fun and pleasure is good idea.  I say you are winning if that's the case.)  Likewise, I bet there will be things your kids will do that mine cannot and I'll find myself wondering "What did they do?  If only I knew what it was so I could go back in time..." Yeah cause that's doable.  

I think Styx said it best about time. 

Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands
It's ticking away with my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands
It's hard to believe such a calamity
I've got too much time on my hands
And it's ticking away, ticking away from me  

So try not to get so caught up on the time factor and your kid.  It will do you in.  The only thing it's time for is another side of fries.  


  1. It's really funny, too, because we all fret about how our children with Autism are doing, time-wise and milestone-wise, and make it sound like we DON'T fret the same way about any NT kiddos we have...

    As with everything, there's a season. :) Thanks for the reminder!

  2. I really needed to read this today--thanks Mama Fry!

  3. I love this post. It's so stressful though. Sometimes I want time to go by to see what he is like in 5 years, 10 it going to be better, easier, harder...will we have more time, will we have less time. GAH. Great post!

  4. So much truth AND a bitchin' Styx quote… you are a hero of mine, Mama Fry! :) <3

  5. LOVE. So much truth in this and so well timed for me. And, FRENCH FRIES!!!! There is always time for french fries. Have a great weekend!!!

  6. Thank you. I think you and your site might just be my new best friend.