Tuesday, December 13, 2016

I'll be on my way

"Well here it is , my time has come
Won't be long I'll be moving on
I can't complain, I've had my day
Now I'll be on my way
And all the good times that we've had
Much more good than bad
What more can I say?
Now I'll be on my way"

"I'll Be On My Way" by The Sawdoctors

After a long battle with various auto immune disorders like Scleroderma and Sjogren's, my father passed away. It wasn't exactly expected. My Dad had sixteen separate hospital stays due to various complications from them.  A few of these stays were pretty touch and go but he always bounced back. In some ways I had made my peace with idea of his death years ago.  So it was a bit of a shock to have it happen after a pretty good day for him.

My last words to my father at the hospital were "I gotta go and call the school the district and give them Hell again." and he replied with a smile "Of course" because my Dad knew that is exactly what I was going to do. Next thing I knew I was calling a funeral home to make arrangements for him while trying make sure I can get the hours we need so Kiddo will be in school because no matter what, that routine has to stay the course.  Especially after the last three months we have had with switching schools.  If there is one priority here, it's Kiddo and I know my father is somewhere nodding his head in agreement.  What more can I say? I know my Kiddo's limits. Sitting through a funeral service isn't one of them.  He'll go to the "afters". Which is what we Irish folks like to do after the burial.   Oh and get this, when is this all going down?  On a Wednesday because of course it would.

"Don't be sad now when I'm gone
Take your time while you're still young
In the warm sunshine make hay
Now I'll be on my way"

Lots of people make a point of asking me how is my son handling this.  Does he understand? The truth is I'm not really sure.  My husband took the reigns on explaining what happened while I was busy dealing with what happened.  By the time I returned, Kiddo informed in a matter of fact fashion that "Papa was in People Heaven."  and further elaborated that People Heaven was right next door to Dog Heaven where our old dogs that has since passed on now live. Since it's happened he's been scripting all that a lot.  Sometimes it's nice to hear. Sometimes it stings. I suspect like most things my son does or says, I'll just get used to it. Kids are far from quiet.  It will just become part of the background as all these things do.  But to ask me how he is? Well I'm going to say kind of confused.  That's what I'm feeling too so it's good we're going with a theme.

Where I'm going , I don't know
But I'm heading off in sun
Rain hail or snow
In the yard I hear the children play
Now I'll be on my way" 

My Dad wasn't your typical kind of guy.  Didn't care for sports, didn't go fishing or was BBQ master.  None of the usual "Dad stuff".  Without a doubt, my Dad was a member of #TeamQuirky. He always just did his thing. Mainly which was an extreme fascination and love of aviation.  While many other father's played "Couch Quarterback" on Sundays during football season, my father climbed into gliders.  Which happened to be airplanes that don't have engines.  They are towed up by another plane by a cord which eventually gets dropped and then you just soar around the clouds.  Sounds a bit nuts, doesn't it?  But trust me, it was fun.  Many times as a kid he took me and or my brother with him.  Now that I'm a parent I think "You took your minor children in a plane with no engine!?!?!"  But I'm so glad that he did.

My father wasn't a "talker" but what he did say was always insightful, witty, and with a sprinkle of very dry humor.  Even if he didn't always get what I was doing, he still supported it.  He was happy to see his love of all things planes passed on to the Kiddo, who can clock any helicopter coming over the house before anyone else can hear it ala Radar O'Reilly from MASH.  I like to think that my Dad is in his own version of Heaven. A huge library filled with every book on World War Two that was ever printed and a nice Lazy Boy recliner to sit in to read them all with a stereo that plays nonstop Johnny Cash and Broadway show tunes. What more can I say? The man had eclectic taste. ;-)

I'm not sure what's next other than we'll get through it.  Autism has taught me that much.

"I have no fear of what's to come
My faith in better days is strong
Somewhere warm and safe to stay
Now I'll be on my way" 

My Dad and my Uncle J at my parent's wedding reception where they kidnapped rolling bar cart from the bartender.  Can we all just agree rolling bars are a thing that needs to come back into fashion.  Especially for IEP meetings and Parent/Teacher conferences. #TeamQuirky, this is what would make America great again.  Just sayin'. 


  1. Thank you for sharing your precious memories of your dad with us.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. So glad you can keep the kiddos schedule through everything - makes life easier and gives you a breather to grieveđź’—

  3. Your dad sounds like good people. Just like you.
    (Digging the 70s wedding drink cart! My parents have a similar pic.) ❤️

  4. I'm so sorry for you loss. Hugs.

  5. I spent many Sundays of my (boring) childhood watching gliders soar in the sky over my head. Wish I had been on one of them. They say it is an immense peace over there

  6. I started reading your blog last year after my youngest was diagnosed with ASD. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. He sounds like a great Dad.


  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Condoloences on the passing of your father. May the happy memories of your times together give you peace.

  9. I'm so very sorry about your Dad. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose someone so very solid and supportive in the midst of so much other turmoil.
    Thoughts are with you and your family.

  10. I am so sorry for your loss. Hold on to the memories and those that you love that are still with you. I lost my mother six months ago, I am a single parent with a wonderful unique little boy with Autism that is my world. My mother lived with us and was fighting cancer. When she was in the hospital the meltdowns started more often then not. His schedule was messed up, his people where not there, and it was a mess. After my mothers passing my son would not sleep in his bed and have melt downs unless he slept in my mothers chair. He still tells me "Miss Meme, want back" The transition was horrible and just when I thought we where doing okay, the teacher informs me that she believe my son should be held back because his progress has gone down hill. I commit to myself many times a day woosah and just keep swimming, why because of Autism. Thank you for sharing your experience with others its nice to know that there is others who understand.

  11. I'm a bit behind in my blog reading, but passing on my condolences to you and your family. You'll have a angel on your shoulder now to help you in the rough times.