You see a name on a folder. I see my heart walking outside of my body.
Since November we have been working with a state agency called Perform Care. It was recommended to use by our school district caseworker. She sung the praises of how much it would help. I eyed her over my glasses because I knew she had no idea how all this stuff works. Suuuuuure. It would be just that simple.
Here it is, middle of March. Ask me if a Behavior Therapist has been to my house yet? Better yet, ask me if the caseworker assigned to my Kiddo has EVEN MET the Kiddo?
Yesterday I got to the point of autism parenting that breaks me. Being so frustrated that I cried while I was speaking. If you get me to that point, your ass better run. I can blow off anger. I can shake off being sad. Making my mascara run down my face because I am trying to get the therapy my Kiddo needs, I hope you have your affairs in order and have made peace with your maker.
I am so freaking tired of this dance. The amount of bureaucratic nonsense is astounding. To all the school caseworkers and teachers in New Jersey that say "Call Perform Care" to the parents of the students they serve, I'd like you to know that it's close to pointless to suggest it like it's a solution that will end the problem. The only thing Perform Care has done so far is make me have dozens of meetings and hundreds of phone calls. It is a glorified run around of paper pushing. Every meeting ends with whatever person this caseworker has sent du jour recommending another thing and whatever that thing is, they don't do. "But call your caseworker!"
I lost my ever loving shit yesterday. All over the phone to multiple people. I keep hearing from them how they serve the whole family and yet the only person in my family that sees or talks to them the most is me. I didn't sign up for Perform Care. I signed my KIDDO up for it.
And here we are, all these months later, and he still hasn't been seen by a behavior therapist. Each phone call to make another appointment to discuss things means another week is added on to this. I'm ready to throw in the towel completely with this agency because it's just a lot aggravation with no payoff.
Of course, I can't because I need to have my son in the system. In as many places in the system as we can get him. So as much as I just want to throw up the white flag and both my middle fingers at this, I press on.
By the end of the day yesterday I had managed to schedule yet another meeting with another agency to come see my Kiddo and maybe they'll be able to offer him services. I'm not holding my breath and I'm pretty sure in the Kiddo's file is a big note that the mother is a raving lunatic.
I'm okay with that. :-)
Get frustrated. Cry. Scream. Repeat.