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Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Meeting in the middle.

"Are you okay Mom?"

The question caught me off guard. I had a bit of a coughing fit because of a tickle in my throat as I was about to start my car. Seeing as we were the only two in the car, I was kind of in shock to hear a question like this asked of me. I looked at Kiddo and asked him "Wait. What did you say?"

And he repeated himself "Are you okay Mom?" with a look of genuine concern on his face.  I stumbled to answer him,  "Yeah Kiddo. I just had a tickle in my throat."

"Go see Logan and Maya?"

"Yeah, we can go back home now." and I started driving back to our house because I know when he asks to see the dogs, he's done with being out and needs to go home to decompress.

He's never inquired about me. He's never asked how I was. Ever. I was a bit stunned that he not only asked but repeated it.  Sometimes when I ask him to repeat things he has said, he gets shy and looks sad, Like he thinks he's failed at enunciating something clearly and then is unsure of being able to do so at all and will whisper it so quietly. So the fact that he not only asked this but did it twice loud and clear, well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Hot Damn!

The Kiddo has always shown empathy even though it's never in the usual way. ( Like asking someone if they are okay.) Like most things with Autism, I had to get use to it. That it wouldn't be in a way I expected. Or even the way that I needed it.  As I learned his ways of expression, I guess he was also busy learning some of mine.

And isn't that what we have been working so hard all these years to do.

I guess what I am saying is I have to remember to honor his ways because he is trying his best to honor mine.  I might think his ways of looking at life are quirky but I'm sure things like looking at people's eyeballs when you talk to them is pretty strange sounding to him. So I guess I'll keep meeting him in the middle because it's worth it. 

So. Freaking. Worth. It. 



7 comments:

  1. Okay, literally teared up reading this! You two are amazing!!!
    Much love,
    Melissa

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  2. Teared up too! ASD boy tells me that he loves me about 2/week and I am sure that it has nothing to do with a new can of whipped cream in fridge (who modeled the "tip-head-back&fill-mouth behavior!?)

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  3. These are the moments we live for. It's nice when they poke their head out of The Matrix even if it is for just a moment. After being deported to a new country, learning the language the culture and traditions like the flap dance you learn to love your new land but it sure is nice to share a piece of good ol American apple pie with one of the natives every once in a while. Thank you for sharing your special moment I definitely shared a vicarious tear. Sounds like Mom is "doing okay." -ASD DAD

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  4. Thats amazing. I was diagnosed with cancer in November and been going thru treatments and my 16 year old has been making a big effort to stop and not only ask me how I am feeling but also attempting to do little things around the house to help out. It has been weird in the most spectacular way! Take what they give mama and always appreciate it.

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  5. I remember the first time my "kiddo" said I Love You, mom. I cried like a baby. Not in front of him, of course... I didn't want to confuse him. Fast forward 4 years or so... I hear it all the time. I still LOVE hearing it. We get those shoulder-in-the-throat hugs that you cause you to think "I might die right now, but I'd die a happy mom" Fast forward to his teen-age years, now his basic social skills teach him to have empathy, but his ASD stresses him out and he "over-empathizes" or does it at the wrong time. This does not help with his desire to "be cool" :D

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  6. Yay for him and for you.

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  7. I think when my autistic son asks me how I am, he's actually interested. I'm not sure he sees the point in asking the question out of politeness so he's genuine when it comes out. Makes me answer him properly. Thanks for this lovely insight. xxx

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