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Friday, August 31, 2012

Meltdown vs Tantrum

One of the biggest issues I deal with on a daily is behavior. I know all parents do but discipline with a kid on the spectrum is a smidge more stressful.  For all. Including the dog.

Many folks may think a screaming hissy fit is just a bratty kid having a tantrum.   OK all the autism parents, let's all have a collective laugh because we sooo know it is not.  Hahahahahahahahaha!   For when my son has hit meltdown stage, fire in the hole!!!!!  Nothing can be said or done to talk the the boy off the ledge.  Not even his beloved fries.

You see a tantrum has a defined want. Whereas a meltdown is a weather front that just has to run its course.  Now like any parent, I can see potential triggers.  I have a defend and distract approach. Circle the wagons or get the heck out of Dodge.  If this doesn't work, well no need to sound the alarm.  My son's screams will be warning enough to the surrounding counties.

This is not to say I just let him go.  The 80's band Tears for Fears had it right with that song of theirs "Shout" (come on sing it with me.  Shout! Shout! Let it all out!  These are the things I can do without! Come on now! I'm talking to you come on!)   Oh I feel the need to tease my hair up big and spray it with Aqua Net.  Pink can of course. Whoops! Slightly off tangent. Anyways, sometimes he just has to scream it out. Lately he is accepting going to his room to do so.  This is big improvement from kicking holes in the walls. (*fist bump* to all the parents who keep spakle and wall patches on hand.  HOLLA!)

  Like knowing his triggers, I just know sometimes I just have to let him get all his anger out.   This is also combined sometimes with being so emotionally spent at that moment where I just throw my hands up and wish someone would send me to my room.   Please Mom!  Come over and ground me!

Then he finally asks for a tissue.  Wipes his face and I starting thinking maybe the storm has finally passed.   Plus hope like hell he's not just recharging for round two.  By then I'm wondering how much hearing I have since lost since becoming a mom or if one can have a seizure based on listening to so much screaming from their own child.  How many grey hairs have I gotten?  How is it I cannot bring the comfort my child needs to him?

And lastly, when is Daddy coming home?

18 comments:

  1. So loving this blog.... I could have wrote the same thing! Have a great weekend!

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    1. Thank you! Hope you are having a great weekend not full of the topic of this entry. :-)

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  2. So glad to see you taking up blogging! You can pick up where I left off :) I'm working now and can't seem to find the time anymore, but maybe I'll get back to it someday. I really appreciate all the support that you gave me and hopefully I can reciprocate...I've been working almost 2 months so it's about time for me to sit around pretending to be working when I'm really reading blogs right?

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    1. Thank you so much Lynn!!! I so loved your blog and yours was one of the first ones I read. Hope I can keep sharing more of our experiences and sharing the laughter. All the while keeping you entertained when you are working. LOL shhhhh I won't tell on ya!

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  3. My little girl is still young enough that tantrums are acceptable. I'm sure in years to come people will think she's a spoiled brat. My brother has Asperger's (now 21 and doing amazing!!), but I remember when he was 8 that people just thought he was soooo obnoxious and undisciplined. At that time Asperger's was much less well known. There is hope! My little bro made some great nerdy friends in Middle/High School, got two degrees at a Big Ten school, and is now making 6 figures at a company in Seattle that everyone has heard of. He has a great social life of tech geeks and girls even think he's cute! However he still insists that Dorito's and Pepsi are evil, won't allow Burger King in his apartment, and is a major hand fidgeter. I still find him adorable which he hates. :)

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    1. Awesome! Between my own son and the 9 years I worked with the special needs population, I'm kind of convinced everyone is a bit on the spectrum. We all have our quirks. :-)

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  4. Oh so familiar! I read this to my husband as we both just laughed. Having gone thought this with our son just yesterday, and in public, no less! Unfortunately, (especially for my husband) the meltdown began in a public restroom, so upon their exit, the "OMG you beat your son" look was given by many. Not even fruit snacks could get him in the car (He also loves fries but fruit snacks are the "car snack" of choice). This kind of thing is not unusual for us. I'm really surprised no one has ever called the cops on us while we were sitting in the car waiting on him to calm down enough to get him buckled in his seat to safely leave. Lucky for us, if it happens at home, our neighbors are fully aware of the situation and would offer help before complaining any day. Anyway, I could go on and on. Love the blog!

    Marie :-)

    PS Mine starts school on Sept 5th too! Counting down the hours.....hahaha

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    1. Let's hear it for Sept 5th!!!!! I am going to be dancing in the street that day. We once had to carry our kid out of a baseball stadium. I'm still surprised no one called the police for the struggle that it was. It's good to know we've all had those moments.

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    2. As my son gets older (16) the triggers change and become more hormone based. Lets not get started about girlfriends. Can you say border line obsessed.. he goes all in.. when the break up hits.. its the end of all ends.. Everything including school starting is getting use to a new routine..

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  5. Hit the nail on the head there. My son is 10 and we have only just got his Autistic diagnosis a few months ago. His behaviour and his temper are becoming harder to deal with and I'm really struggling trying to figure out what is a meltdown and what is a tantrum with him! Everything just seems like such a big deal! Sometimes,like you,I wish I could be sent to my room so I don't have to deal with it. Lol. I love him dearly,but I do wonder if one day my head will explode!! Haha!

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    1. I can relate to your feelings. My son was diagnosed at the age of 11. Now that puberty has set in, it is very challenging. I'm not sure if this is true about most Autistic kids but I started journaling and noticed that my son cycles. It makes it much easier now to know when is a good time to go to the mall and when it is time to just have home time. Also I have learned to not be so ridged in rules but still be structured. You learn to pick your battles and when to just let them "shout, and let it all out" (lol) The stigma that you get from society is hard, because people will tell you, "Oh he needs to be spanked or wow you really don't discipline your child do you?" but remember you are his best advocate and you will be the one that teaches him the life skills he needs.

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  6. It's tough and it's frustrating but it does get better.

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  7. my grandson who is 6 yrs old has autisum we found out when he was 2 , he stopped talking for 2 yrs never said a word ,after the 2 yrs he started to open up more and more now he is still quiet most of the time but when he has something to say he voices his opinion very loudly and very to the point , he is a happy little boy most of the time , he doesnt like to bothered by his sisters or his cousin when she comes to visit but he still loves them , he tells us so , when he is having a bad day and goes off like a rocket and has that awefull screaming cry that you know the neighbors are gonna wonder what the heck are they doing to that kid you try to calm him down and theres now doing it , i give him to his grandpa and go to my room lol and if grandpa is not around i just give him kisses and love and rock him and he seems to calm down sometimes falls asleep from the over acessive crying which is a relief sometimes
    then you wonder is he gonna get up in a better mood or not you just gotta wait and see keep a smile on your face and hope he does to , almost woreout nana. i wouldnt change a thing !!!

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    1. Thank you nana for being patient and understanding! Not everyone gets that support. You are AWESOME!

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  8. Hello! I have just found you tonight, and I am LOVING everything you have to say! My daughter is 3, and was diagnosed with autism when she was 2 1/2. My eldest daughter was a very well spoken child, mimicking words at 8 months old, so it was very hard for me to adjust to my second daughter, who has yet to speak a word...she tries..sometimes..and uses a few signs to let me know when I'm guessing right or wrong...People give me the stink eye when she is having a meltdown...and I have learned to be patient and wait it out and can USUALLY avoid it...I love that you are informing and sharing what us parents go through with our children...as much stress as it can be...we love our special ones dearly! I'll be reading your blogs from now on..thanks and hugs to you <3

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  9. We were just talking about this today!

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  10. Love this blog! U are awesome... I have a four year old with autism and i KNOW these screams... and then that point where you throw your arms up in the air and just LET IT BE... big hug for you!

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  11. I love, love, love this blog!! You are describing what everyone of us goes through on a daily basis. It is a comfort to know you are not alone when you want to pull your hair out from the incessant screaming. On an earlier post you said your kiddo likes to press buttons. Our kiddo loves Star Wars. All day we hear sounds from the light saber lol

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