"You got to take it as it comes. Sometimes it don't come easy"
Stevie Nicks Sometimes It's a Bitch
If my life as an autism mom had a theme song, the above would be it. Because I have yet to meet a thing on this earth that is more complex, complicated and down right exhausting like autism is to me. Autism isn't just a bitch. Sometimes autism makes me its bitch. Not gonna lie. Getting really tired of it.
This week Mother Nature decided life at French Fry Inc was too boring. Too routine. So she decided that all the snow on the planet needed to fall directly on my house. Okay maybe it didn't but a lot fell. Enough to warrant an early dismissal on Monday and no school Tuesday. Wednesday is till up in the air and I wouldn't be at all surprised if we wound up with a delayed opening. (Update: we do!)
The kiddo, for the most part, has been kind of, sort of, how to put it... a giant screeching banshee howler monkey possessed by Satan. Or rambunctious. One or the other. From the moment he woke up. This is not a "Go out and play" kid. This is a "Watch every damn minute" kid. All over the damn place. Tons of sensory and attention seeking. Redirecting every ten seconds. Gobs of fun. NOT!
Husband is home trying to "work', which is delightful at this point in our autism game that he thinks he will ever have the quiet to do so. Babe, I love you but it will never happen. I'm sure your secretary finds listening to your dictations later with the kiddo and the dogs in the background acting like a three ring circus rather amusing though. I feel guilty that I cannot keep the kiddo busy enough for you to get some serious work done.
And this being the cruise director for activities? I am so flipping done with it. It's constant. I'm effing tired. I don't want to watch the same YouTube clips of bus safety inspections anymore. I am can't stand being engaged only to find out he wants me to play my part in some script from a conversation he heard three years ago. I know he finds enjoyment out of it but it bores the living piss out of me.
I try to dance with what life has to hand me.
I really do but I have hit my autism quota this week and it's only Wednesday. The two hundred and fifty two steps of the bedtime routine. The item of food he cannot get enough on a Monday but then decide on Tuesday he will never touch again. The constant scripting of "Gentle with the dogs" rule only to be rough with them five seconds later. The extra fun bad habit of cursing he picked up from me. A constant reminder of yet another failure I have achieved as a parent. Oh and my son deciding that his sensory pressure needs can only be fulfilled by being physically aggressive towards me. That's a peach.
Basically, autism you are kicking my ass this week. Ease the eff up!!
Pardon me while I hide under a blanket today with the remote until the boy comes how and I get to do this all over AGAIN.
And pardon me if I don't see autism as some sort of wonderful gift because it's not. Right now, autism can go suck it.