"He's fine Mama. It's totally okay that he's ripped up all the bedding off my kid's bed and buried himself under the covers."
No it's not. He just made a huge mess in your kid's room. Okay, that room was a bit messy to begin with but he did add to the chaos.
"Don't worry about that glass he dropped. It's okay. No big deal."
Yes it is. He took something of yours and destroyed it. Doesn't matter if it was high end crystal or one of Wal Mart's finest. It is no longer.
"Oh don't worry about my kid. Doesn't matter he ripped the toy out of their hands. He can have it. It's okay. He's the guest."
No! This is NOT okay. Yes, he has autism but dammit to Hell, he does not get a free pass!
"It's okay. He doesn't know any better."
Well how will ever if we don't show him that this behavior is NOT okay. I will always be scanning the scene for potential triggers. I will also be the first one to jump on him when one gets past me before I could intercept.
He may have autism but he's also a ten year old boy. An only child to boot. You think my kiddo doesn't have the potential to be a bit of a jerk? Oh let me assure you. He has met that milestone many a time.
I will make him apologize. I will make him clean up his mess. I will make him give back the toy and take turns. Do me a favor. Let me. Don't give him a "Get out of jail free" card. That's not really going to teach him a thing.
I know you love him. I'm grateful you do. I owe you big time that you do put up with some of the accommodations he does need.
Please, please do not let this kiddo just get away with something you wouldn't let any other kid his age.
Now like any kid who isn't your kid, by all means, look to me if you need some guidance. I wouldn't know what to do with your kids either. I do know some basics. You can say "No" to my kid. Yes, he does understand it. Along with, "excuse me", "wait your turn" and "stop it". Feel free to say any of these as needed.
You may think we live a very structured and scheduled life but for us it's okay. We're not looking for a free ride. To us, that's not okay.
You know what's okay? Fries. Fries are always okay. :-)