Thursday, September 28, 2017

Toilet Talk

There's no fluffy smooth intro here.  Let's just get down to it. My Kiddo has to pee and sometimes when I am out and about with him, I have to pee too.

Now when he was little, no one batted an eye lash at me bringing him into the ladies room with me.  In fact in most cases he was one of many little boys who were in there with their moms.  I didn't and still don't care when I am in ladies room when I see a little boy in there. I'm thinking of my bladder, not some other kid's wiener.

The thing that has happened is Kiddo has started to grow up. I know!  How rude of him to get taller, bigger, and more adult looking by the minute.  I don't remember telling him he could do that at all. I still want him to be the little tot in a one piece romper stomping around like a Godzilla in those chunky white toddler shoes who would run away yelling like some pint size Braveheart going off into battle.  Usually after someone would turn on one of those loud as feck hand dryers of doom.

Alas, it is not to be.  Instead I have a 5'4 lanky teenager with hair legs and a rapidly deepening man voice following behind me in many a bathroom because why?

AIN'T NO WAY I AM SENDING HIM TO MOST BATHROOMS ALONE! In fact, I have started to map out my errands based on places I know that have single stall restrooms because I can send him into those easily and I know he'll be fine.  Plus, for me, it's not just sending him into a men's room by himself that I have to worry about. I have to go too. So you want me to run into one restroom while he's in another and hope like Hell I can get in and out fast enough so he's not alone by himself because he finished first because despite it being 2017, women's restrooms will always have the longer ass wait! (Seriously ladies. Why is that?  What are we doing in there that's taking so long?  Oh! I know! It's because we're having to bring in our kids with us.)

In certain public locations, he's coming in with me and if you are the general public, you have two choices.  You can either deal with it OR you can help us out by telling businesses to make more "family/gender neutral bathrooms".  Because your bladder is not more important than my Kiddo's. Or mine.  So until we have some more family bathrooms, he coming in with me.  My Kiddo has autism, is intellectual disabled and has limited communication.  There is a reason why I have to be a Smother Mother. It's to keep him safe. If you are concerned he may see you NOT wash your hands, that's on you.

And you know what? I kind of hate that I have to do that too. He's 13.  He doesn't want to go in with me. I know it and yes, I can see women in there doing double takes when he's walking in with me.  Trust me, I will make sure he puts the seat back down though.  I'm trying to raise that boy right.

After all these years, I don't give a flying crap anymore if you give me and my Kiddo a look in the bathroom. I will be the first one to tell you "Take a picture. It'll last longer."  Seriously though, what would you rather me do?  Never leave the house? Never go to pee? Sorry, you're not worth a UTI.

More of these, less of judgement. 


  1. I always love when a store, restaurant or movie theater has a family room. Thanks for saying this, we need more!!

  2. Amen, Tyann!! Loved this post!

  3. Yes, I have the same issues to a point. My son is 8.5 ADHD, no impulse control and he thinks everyone is his friend, and I take him in with me. I get looks and I don't care.

  4. My 5yo may always have to accompany me too. I also wouldn't send my 7yo into a men's room alone, even though he's high functioning. Heck, even if he didn't have autism! A parent would have to be all kinds of stupid to send their kid who doesn't even understand everything about "good touch/bad touch" into a room where grown men are whipping out their willies, and you can't see if your kid is safe! If my 11yo NT is with us, I'll send them together (don't even like HIM going alone!) and they know the drill - go next to each other, and don't leave the stall until they're both done, and then leave the stall together. And if it takes 2 seconds longer than I think it should, I'm calling into the men's room (often even cracking the door open to do so) to ask them if they're almost done, just so I can hear if there is any distress in their voice when the respond. I know back in the day I rode my bike out of town by myself and all, but these aren't those days!!

  5. I love reading your perspective, because you point out things that I wouldn't have thought had I seen you in the restroom. I think more bathrooms should be gender neutral. That's WHY there are stalls, right? For privacy. Great post!

  6. Been there done that! My guy is 16 and I started sending into the men's room 2-3 years ago. The conditions have to be right though. I will not get caught up in a long line at the ladies room while he goes in and comes out before I've gone. Can't risk not knowing where he is while I'm in there.

  7. I have learned to run in, pee, wash up, pray pray pray and run out hopefully before he's done. And I have sharpened my hearing so the first sound of trouble coming from the men's room, I'm in there! A few years ago, he called me into the men's room. What do I do? I go in! No one else was in there. He was in a stall and needed a wipe. So sure enough a man comes in! Ugh! Now what do I do? If I am real quiet will he notice the pink toenails and the same size feet as my son's and guess there's something else going on in there? So I announce myself, apologize and reassure him I will stay put until he's done! OMG the funny spots we find ourselves! We laugh now!

  8. Ha ha! My thoughts exactly. I heard a story about a poor mom visiting a local hospital that could not pee because someone kicked her and her older autistic child out of the women's bathroom. I have since spoken to the hospital (about this issue and others) and they are working to make it known that the family bathroom is on the second floor, or create on closer to the main lobby area. Oh the bathroom. My kid is still younger, so we have some time.