Sunday, October 15, 2017


I'm feeling like I hopped on board the Crazy Train. Let me tell you why.

We, the special needs parenting community are not saints. We are not special people picked by the Lord to have special children.  We are no better than any other mom or dad that is doing their thing.  Even the phrase "I don't know how you do it." doesn't really apply to us because on most days we're not sure how we are doing it either.  You just do it because it's your kid and of course you would just do what needs to get done.  We aren't perfect.  We screw it up. A lot. We disappoint our kids and ourselves.  We try again.

I guess what I am saying is we really are just like those neurotypical parents.  There is really no difference between us at all. What is different are the standards to which we seem to be held.  Ones that are often created by those who do not have a special needs child and THAT is when we have problems.

This different standard of parenting needs to end because personally, it's making me bat crap crazy and I'm really tired of feeling like I'm always the crazy one.  To paraphrase the great Ozzy Osbourne's song "Crazy Train", "Crazy, I just cannot bear. I'm living with something that just isn't fair."  Because  autism is many times often unfair with what it deals a person who has it and the loved ones around them.  There are many gifts but I'd be lying if I said "Oh golly gee. It's perfect. No complaints!!! All good in the Autism hood, yo!"

I'm tired of all of us getting shoved into this sainted parent box because it makes no sense.  While some will be more than willing to polish our halo, often those same folks can be the ones heaping on judgment for stuff that they simply cannot begin to understand.  You can't tell me I am both a amazing special needs parent who was just destined to be the Kiddo's mom while at the same time asking me "Why isn't he on a special diet?  You should really try the diet I read about once in a an old People magazine while I was at the doctor's office. You know about the diet, right?" and be sighing and rolling your eyes at me because I won't put my Kiddo on a diet that didn't work for us in the first place.

Do folks realize the crazy mixed messages we get when the same folks that stopped inviting our kids to play dates and birthday parties are the same ones telling us "Oh my god! Have you watched Atypical?!?! Your blog was in it!"  (Yes, I did. Yes, I knew about it. Yes, I have a screen shot of it as my laptop screen saver.)  It's just like my family is some sort of holiday decoration you all only take out when you want to celebrate all things Quirkymas and then promptly put away when you are done.

I guess I'm just feeling extra sort of, mmmmm, I don't know, a walking autism info kiosk lately. I know part of that is my own doing. Hell, look what I blog and write about for a living. I get it.  I made part of that box I am in.  I guess it's just lately I am just so tired of the standard we seem to be held.  Especially when we weren't the ones that set it.

Well, this blog is all over the place. I guess I'll go back to listening to some music with my ear buds in while Kiddo watches "The Polar Express" again.   And yes, he does watch it every night and yes, it would be a BIG deal if he didn't and no, it's not hurting anyone if he does.  So save it if you are about to comment on our bedtime standard around here. ;-)

Living with the Kiddo is like living with Ozzy Osbourne. They're both loud.  They're both musical. They both ROCK! 


  1. Preach it, Mama Fry.

  2. True, true.

    I saw Miriam Gwynne and her Faithmummy blog about some very closely similar issues.

    Another good one is Dancing Wombats by Jennie Irving.

    And yes, living with the Kiddo most certainly is like Ozzy Osbourne - for all the reasons you stated - loud musical rock!

    [And the Osbourne fans would probably agree - especially when they consider the whole family - Sharon; Jack; Kelly and Ozzy's chosen family of bandmates and roadies and groupies].

    Yes - we're acting like groupies on the road.

  3. Yes, yes yes yes yes. You've summed up my feelings on this exactly. People always say oh you're so strong how do you do it I couldn't do it blah blah blah and I don't mean to be rude but me and my family are not any different really than any other family out there. When your kid has autism you rise to the occasion and do what you need to do, just like if your kid has cancer or if your kid has seizures or if your kid has ADHD or OCD or any other thing. It's your kid you do what you have to do. And then there's those backseat drivers who despite having no experience are experts because they read a blurb somewhere. You try to be polite but sometimes it's just really irritating. And then we have the special months where everyone's pulling you out of the closet as their special family or friend with autism which is kind of annoying because you know we have autism 12 months of the year every year.

  4. so ironic that those who excluded your son from social activities would even mention the plug you got on "atypical"

  5. It's always exciting to read through articles from other authors and practice something from their websites.

  6. I am totally down with an all over the place blog post, love it. I also totally agree with the topic of this blog. I wish more people would just 'be'. It was interesting one time I actually got criticized from the geneticist saying that more parents usually research their kids out better and know more. I didn't know then but I would say I know my kid extremely well back to the geneticist. He gets exactly what he needs and he is doing well. That is plenty. Anyway... :)

  7. Totally agree! My personal hate is 'God doesn't give more than you can handle'. Piss off. We are just working through it day by day, just like you NT parents. I'm not 'amazing' because I haven't quit- I don't have a choice.