If I say no...

For as much as I want complete inclusion and acceptance for my kiddo, there are just some times I say no to it.   It's complicated.  It doesn't always makes sense.  It's just what we deal with it here.  These are the possible reasons why though.   Print this out and refer to it when you think I'm being difficult, odd or just downright ridiculous to your invite.

If I say no it is because I am tired.  So very tired.  Physically, emotionally and spiritually spent.  No, he doesn't sleep in.  Ever.  Not the way your kids might.  If it's past 6 AM in this house when he wakes, we consider this a victory.  It never happens on a weekend or a day off from school.  Usually on a Monday.  Or it's just a sign that he is sick. Even when he does sleep till the sun rises, there is a damn good chance he was a real piece of work to get to bed the night before.   He probably slept in our bed.  Probably, who am I kidding?  He did.  So neither my husband or myself slept very well with this restless 67 pound kiddo between us.

If I say no it is because I know your gathering won't start on time or I know will run very late.  Either way, it will throw him so far off his cherished schedule that we will suffer the meltdown for hours after.   Or he will meltdown at your gathering. We hate meltdowns, we hate them more with an audience.   One full of people that might mean well but who's stares still hurt.   Or who decide then, mid meltdown, that this is the time they need to tell me that their nephew's girlfriend volunteers at a special needs camp or do we think vaccines are what caused his autism.  I'm not an autism information kiosk.  I really can't get into that kind of conversation when my kiddo is in meltdown mode.  My mind is running on getting the heck out of the situation.  When my kiddo is in meltdown, so are we.

If I say no it's because once I heard your kids remark to each other how my kiddo doesn't talk.  That babies talk more than him.  I know they are just being kids.  They don't fully know autism and all it's issues and why my son doesn't speak like they do.  Or when he does it's scripted lines from a YouTube clip he loves.   I know they won't play with him because they have tried before and when he didn't respond, they thought he was ignoring them.  It just hurts.  I know they are just being honest and just how kids are but it still hurts.

If I say no it's because we have another therapy session to attend and no it's not that easy to just move the time around.   Remember that schedule of his I just mentioned?  Yeah that's one reason.  The other, oh my god, his schedule is more complicated than most adults I know.  I bought the phone I have just because I knew the calendar option would be much easier for me to manage.  Good therapists are worth their weight in goldfish crackers.  I don't ditch them or play hooky unless he is ill.  So yeah, guess we're coming late or not at all to your kid's birthday party.

If I say no it's because that birthday party you invited us to is at a location that is a sensory nightmare for my kiddo.  I know his limits.  I appreciate the thought but I know when we just simply can't.   He's almost 9.  We've done all the greatest hits of birthday parties now.  I know where and where he can't go because he simply cannot not handle the noise, the crowd, and all the sensory issues that come up.

If I say no it's because I simply don't have it in me to deal with heaps of unsolicited advice you give.  Congrats, you read an article about Toni Braxton's son who has autism or you follow that Jersey Housewife on Twitter, who's son has it too. Great, that's great.  If you have no kids on the spectrum though, yeah I'm not gonna sugar coat this.  It's just obnoxious and I am to sleep deprived to be polite.  To just smile and nod and say "oh really" and pretend like I care.  Cause some days, I just don't care.   I don't want to hear about it or talk about it.  I just want to sip my coffee or wine and talk about some gossip or nail polish color or whatnot and get my mind off all things autism.   I'm not a one trick pony.  I got other things I would like to talk about or think about.

So yeah, this is what it is.  I"m not always funny or "on".  This is a tough road I walk but if you are patient with me, I am a good friend.  I may not always be able to talk on the phone without the kiddo yelling in the background. I can however text or email you in the dark while I'm waiting for him to fall asleep.  Just know I'm trying my best.

I won't say no to another side of fries though. :-)