Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Kiddo's Cookbook

My parenting life is so not the norm.  I know this and I'm okay with it, somewhat. Little things though do get under my skin.

Like yesterday the kiddo comes home with a note inviting me to a "Mother's Day Tea" at his school.  I knew this was coming as with any event we prep him for it a month in advance. He's only just in the last six months been okay with seeing me at school and more importantly, seeing me leave it without him. I cannot tell you how much of a drag it was to drop off meds to the school nurse once a month when he classroom is right next door to her office.  Spy v Spy ain't got nothing on me as I would creep passed his classroom door twice.  Once his principal saw me in the hall and I "Sshhhh" ed him really loudly as he went to say my name and mimed to the open door while throwing my hood up on my coat so the kiddo wouldn't notice.  Cause that was my life.

I'm happy to attend.  What I'm not so happy about was the note attached to the invite asking me to send in a recipe of my child's favorite meal that I make so they can put together a cookbook for all of us moms.  Ummmm, clearly they don't follow this blog.  Something tells me sending in a picture of the Ore Ida bag isn't gonna cut it either.  I'm seriously considering sending in one for Coq an vin just to mess with their heads.

And I know I can't be the only mom rolling her eyes at this right?  Whether your kid is neurotypical or has an alphabet soup diagnosis after their name, kids generally eat the same damn things.   Do I really need a recipe book filled with recipes like Mac and Cheese (which he won't eat) or frozen pizza?  Some moms will actually be able to send in a real recipe that their kid actually eats but most like me are currently wondering how to write up a recipe for chicken nuggets and tater tots. Here are some of my choices.  Which one do you think I ought to send?

Rip straw off of box
Whine until Mom unwraps it
Pop in box.
Sip and enjoy!

Microwave French Fries
Drag Mom to freezer and point to box
Rip open box and toss on the microwave turning plate you keep forgetting to clean
Have child press "French fries" on his Proloquo2go app again and again till the microwave beeps
Dinner done! Or Breakfast. Just call it hash browns

Veggie Stix puffed rice snacks
Buy ginormous bag from Costo
Rip open bag so fast that some fall out onto floor. Don't worry. Your pets will like them.
Eat only the orange and white ones. Leave the green ones for Mom.  They pair nicely with wine after child goes to bed.

Hot Dog
Boil Hot Dog and place in bun
Have ten minute discussion with child if they want ketchup or mustard.
Remember they won't even eat said hot dog so who cares?
Child will eat said bun and leave the hot dog.
Mom will eat said hot dog with her green Veggie Stix snacks from above.

So, which one should it be? ;-)


  1. Get wild, and go with the newest treat! A hamburger with a bun.

  2. Mine does love cheesy roll ups... but only from Taco Bell.... If I melt the cheese in a tortilla forget it.

  3. I love them all! It should be a compilation!

  4. Gotta say i like the veggie sticks one. But all these recipes are good. Love how you worded em lol.

  5. Oh Man the Spy vs. Spy got me rolling!!! I have do the same damn thing! I can never go to his parties without an immediate, "Go Home!" from my boy but he does seem to get better each year. I enjoyed all the recipes for sure! :) But my boy being a huge fan of anything potato and salt, I am going with microwave french fries!

  6. my daughter's new food is cup o noodle soup. she loves it and will actually eat the whole thing. i'm just concerned with the sodium intake. so i try to water it down a bit.

    i think you could make up the french fries recipe.

    2 potatoes cut into wedges
    and bake or deep fry
    add some salt or seasoning however he likes and ketchup and you are good to go.

  7. OMG! This is hilarious. Love it! Always an adventure with our kids.

  8. I always got complete meltdown when our girl would see me at school.I think it was because of the times I would ave to pick her up when she was sick, she associated me being there with she has to leave.

    My recipe would be:" drain can of pinto beans, heat with a pinch of salt. Mash with a potato masher until mostly smooth. Pour into two tortillas, top with grated cheese and a small dallop of sour cream. Roll into burritos, making sure to leave a spoonful of sour cream alongside on the plate as an appetizer." Our girl would eat these three meals a day, every day if we let her.

  9. Frozen fries, the rippled kind only, seasoning salt, bake for roughly half the recommended time before giving in and taking soggy fries out of oven, ketchup on the side, NOT TOUCHING fries arranged parallel in order of length. Ketchup to be renewed as neccessary after licking it off the plate several times as fries are rejected for being too hot. Dump fries on floor to be arranged and eaten in 2-3 hours.

  10. As the parent of an ASD teenager who does understand what you ate saying I spend alot of time with the teachers in my district and I think the recipe book is coming from a good place. They may have just wanted to include everyone in the celebration and this was there way. I have countless cookbooks and art projects collected from many years of tea parties from my son as well as other kids. I once saw a " recipe " for takeout. Send in the number to your child's favorite restaurant with the name and what they like to order. Turn what you consider a negative into a positive

  11. Boiled Hotdogs! As they are my favorite :)

  12. I just found your blog today - and let me just say that you are genius! Most of your posts made me laugh - and a couple made me cry. My son will be 3 in July - and was officially diagnosed with autism this past Jan (although I could've diagnosed him myself at about 14 months). Although he makes a lot of "noise" - he has no words as of right now. I don't have any friends with children on the spectrum - so at times, my husband and I feel as though we are on this journey alone. Thanks to your blog - I feel as though I have a new "friend" that I can relate to. So.... thank you :) Keep up the good work!

  13. Gotta say that I really like the Veggie Stix recipe...really, for the wine. Everything is better with wine! My son is verbal but we've had the same challenges with food and I know that I would get a giggle out of your entry in the cookbook! I am sure that other parents would, too.

  14. Thank you Mama Fry for making me smile. I'm in the same boat, we use similar recipes here. It's all good!

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